Life Now

I guess it's too bad. I came in my room and found my bunny on the floor, a big one, and slammed it on my bed and thought, "Get out of my life!" I bet my parents will find out and get mad. I feel pretty like bad about how they stimulate me, playing around with me in ways they shouldn't and didn't before. They think maybe it's okay to keep poking at me. I was thinking, well, I'm not poking at them, and that's normally what would happen in cases like this. I don't want to, and it wouldn't stop them. I feel kinda humiliated to be manipulated and followed and not given like independence. It's already so I live without friends. Sometimes, it's nice. Oh well, it's not that bad, but it's one more straw. I will not be a perve and see if I can just keep feeling bad without reacting. I think I explained that my parents get mad if I react that I'm not happy when they're mean to me thinking it's to discipline me. I don't think they know what they're doing, and that just doesn't make sense. I will not live like this. They only make things worse. They try to take the place of others I find I like a lot for some reason sometimes. I found that some people's parents did that, but I don't want to interact with my parents in awkward ways. I know some people would. I'm also mad people have bored things into my head. It came on rather strongly when I found out you could do that. They want me to act all submissive and perverted. It is so, well, "stupid." There is no reason other than to gain power. It's a picking at me making me feel like I deserve it. Anyway, yes, I don't want to be treated by my parents in a weird way. They also can't hold in sometimes, blaming me when "something" goes wrong that I do, like it seems they bucker up people or maybe just sometimes to some extent. I don't like them getting in my private life like it's theirs to control because sometimes I get mad. They make up reasons for things and don't realize I'm not the worst person in the world. They waste my life giving me useless messags and preventing me somehow from living the right way and how I want because of things they caused me to do to mess up, thinking I deserve to be hindered and controlled, when I don't control them and I think other kids do their parents. I don't want to, but I'd like to be independent. I wasn't raised into that success and feel that when I'm getting better something always happens and that it's unlikely and simply that things do happen and no one understands that.

Also, lately, I've noticed sometimes it feels like slightly my sofa as though parts of it are stretching or pulsing. Now, my chair feels like the floor was pulsing. It's a nice, elated feeling to like feel that something is like reacting to you.