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"Stay! Keeper's Story"

Highlight to read spoilers.  I'm posting this @TheEllenShow:

It's about a dog savoring good Italian (possibly French?) food, pasta, though.  :ppp  I had a big thing for that as a teenager earlier on.  Usually, I'm too sick of it to eat it.  Same with ham and turkey sandwiches from when I was 10.  I had them every day, almost, save for pizza, at school.

River Otters

Why doesn't Wikipedia have a page on river otters?  There's a river named River Otter.

College

The Radio TV program is about technology.

The degree Ellen DeGeneres started looks good: Degree.

Communications

It's Advertising, Journalism, or Public Relations.  I'd of course pick Public Relations.  Aw, it doesn't have anything to do with speaking for like a TV show or the News.  I guess not, then.

The Movies

Why does it seem like there used to be more movies?  I know most people do more movies than Tim Burton and Johnny Depp.  I wouldn't mind, I mean, being in minor movies.  I mean, isn't that how you gather fans?

Sociality

I was thinking of doing International Business|Relations|Studies and then got interested in Communications.  I decided not to do it.  It seems like being in movies is the most convenient way of expressing yourself.  You could even post videos of you singing online.  I mean, you get to express yourself as a person.  You get to play!  I think, though, it feels funny taking the spotlight a lot.  The same goes with being a singer.

Feeling Better

I just got some more water and feel better.  My dad was sick on Friday and I guess is staying home watching a movie...  Sounds kinda exciting.  :|

Falling Apart

 feel like I'm falling apart or melting.

Feeling Bad

I feel kinda dirty, jumpy-irritated, and underfed.

I don't think I could sleep until midnight.  I have to go out tomorrow and put money on my card, maybe around noon.

A Bad Time of Month

Well, I did take a shower.  Maybe, my keyboard is just dirty.  It seems like I'm in my room a lot, these days.  My dad is supposed to be out, now.  My mom is home, though.  I feel unsettled.  I would go out and jog and stuff, but I wanna wait until the week.  I go somewhere on Monday and Wednesday.  :(  That means I'll come home and take a shower and stuff.  I'm gonna have a bad week.  I thought I just went somewhere different that wasn't fun last weekend.  I'm missing the movies.  I didn't want to have to go anywhere.  This is so pointless.  Now, I have to go out to pay for the site, hopefully tomorrow.  I was gonna plan my day and work out and stuff, maybe get more sleep in.  I don't like where I'm going, neither.  Most of this should cease.

SquareSpace

I'm building a site at SquareSpace but have to wait until I put more money in my card to publish it.

Uncomfortable

Now, my arms are like warbling for some reason. ':{

Stop!

My mom just slammed the washing machine really loudly and it made me jump and I don't think it's really that cool. :( Leave me alone! Stop chaning my life and giving me interruptions! Stop!

I can't get out!

I blame different people for making my nose get so much bigger!  }:(

All the Little Things

Wow, people took away more from me than they should have, not sure what they were supposed to take away from me nor the nature of what this was is.

Music

I guess I'm just getting the sheet music, regular delivery.  Not sure when we'll go out and put money on my card.

Music Stand

I had a good music stand I bought, but when I stopped using it I let my dad have it. Now, I need to borrow a lot of money, and I'm not sure how he'll react. Also, I have to wait. It might not come in for several days.

Problems

I'm experiencing stress factors in my life of dilapidating others away from me in unfair ways. I don't really have any freedom nor opportunities. People fail to realize why this is wrong. Every time I approach someone like my dad, he's not like he was before.

I don't find this good, and it doesn't make sense. I just have to deal with it, but it's pretty inconvenient and annoying. I don't think it's my fault. I don't think anyone should be blamed for anything. Things just happen. No one wants to hurt people.

Sheet Music

I just ordered this: Amazon.

I hope it works.

Now, I need a music stand.

Making Any Points?

Whenever I make a good point, people have never acknowledged me.

Well, I must say, sometimes people do a lot, but it's often in some way indirect even if direct, which is kinda funny. :D

Uppity

My dad seems to get uppity if I'm not treated badly for a certain extent, but he himself probably doesn't quite do that. He thinks my life should be ruined for things that supposedly are okay.

Dream

I realized some traits I share with my cousin and also more later that are shared with my dad. I noticed I simply looked older than my cousin. I have to admit with anyone, it's very personal that I'm not like them, though. There are specific features, like how the fat is arranged on them, how their skeleton sits.

I did also feel irritated about a message that affected my body but got over it assuming it was just in the way, as I suppose all messages are, though they happen for adverse reasons.

Also, my eyes felt funny, how sometimes now they've felt like they were popping out of my head, since I was in the car with my dad going to a few stores, taking awhile. I was mad and that's why this trouble happened. So, earlier I was unable to like make myself sorta ugly for someone else nor to impose on them ugliness.

Getting Over It

I think I really am irritated about things coming back and nipping me in the butt.

I can take some things, but these things are really different.

I mean, they don't normally happen.

I just see them as kinda disjointed and off-kilter.

I get over it after awhile, but there's always more to come. It's like it's been never-ending but shoudln't be, in the future.

I guess I can accept them but chose not to take part in them.

I woke up feeling kinda irritated, too, after awhile, even when I was comfortable. I think it's because I didn't go to the bathroom.

I just had yogurt this morning, too, something normal for everyone, I guess. I need to start storing food and drink in here, but what? I should feel okay going out into the kitchen.

Affecting My Life

I'm really upset my life was made not to be independent.

I'm mad at people who claim the "n" word thing has no affect on my life. I don't remember exactly what I thought on that, though. Perhaps, that's my sign to make a move. Honestly, it's not the sort of thing that would like necessarily have to do certain things. It's not like killing someone. Lots of people get called the "n" word on purpose. It's not unlikely that other white people of that age do, also, but perhaps unlikely someone of that stature who is white and of that age. It just doesn't come up as the one bad thing, mainly because it seemed like it was figuratively asked, no pun intended. They did it to themselves and it made them look good. Suddenly, people were nice to them. What they were before didn't matter, or who they were or what they were like.

My Mom

My mom and anyone I meet just want to suck up to my dad compared to me by saying I'm not that good and he's so bad and stuff... agreeing that if something goes wrong, I get a little mad or something, that he can be very mean to me. I'm never mean, though, just defiant to people treating me the wrong way.

Life Now

I guess it's too bad. I came in my room and found my bunny on the floor, a big one, and slammed it on my bed and thought, "Get out of my life!" I bet my parents will find out and get mad. I feel pretty like bad about how they stimulate me, playing around with me in ways they shouldn't and didn't before. They think maybe it's okay to keep poking at me. I was thinking, well, I'm not poking at them, and that's normally what would happen in cases like this. I don't want to, and it wouldn't stop them. I feel kinda humiliated to be manipulated and followed and not given like independence. It's already so I live without friends. Sometimes, it's nice. Oh well, it's not that bad, but it's one more straw. I will not be a perve and see if I can just keep feeling bad without reacting. I think I explained that my parents get mad if I react that I'm not happy when they're mean to me thinking it's to discipline me. I don't think they know what they're doing, and that just doesn't make sense. I will not live like this. They only make things worse. They try to take the place of others I find I like a lot for some reason sometimes. I found that some people's parents did that, but I don't want to interact with my parents in awkward ways. I know some people would. I'm also mad people have bored things into my head. It came on rather strongly when I found out you could do that. They want me to act all submissive and perverted. It is so, well, "stupid." There is no reason other than to gain power. It's a picking at me making me feel like I deserve it. Anyway, yes, I don't want to be treated by my parents in a weird way. They also can't hold in sometimes, blaming me when "something" goes wrong that I do, like it seems they bucker up people or maybe just sometimes to some extent. I don't like them getting in my private life like it's theirs to control because sometimes I get mad. They make up reasons for things and don't realize I'm not the worst person in the world. They waste my life giving me useless messags and preventing me somehow from living the right way and how I want because of things they caused me to do to mess up, thinking I deserve to be hindered and controlled, when I don't control them and I think other kids do their parents. I don't want to, but I'd like to be independent. I wasn't raised into that success and feel that when I'm getting better something always happens and that it's unlikely and simply that things do happen and no one understands that.

Also, lately, I've noticed sometimes it feels like slightly my sofa as though parts of it are stretching or pulsing. Now, my chair feels like the floor was pulsing. It's a nice, elated feeling to like feel that something is like reacting to you.

Dream

I had an interesting dream.

So, there was one point in my dream when, I remember, it was neat, I was happy, though I've been posting against my dad, it would just be him and some relatives. Some were leaving. Someone else was there in some spirit, and I was lying on like a hotel bed. We were contemplating my height and said well I wouldn't want to be 4'. I think the other person just brought it up.

Then, I saw that my brother and a girl and a boy were being taken somewhere. I noticed that it was like spelling the word "gay" and then I explained how it wasn't and I was kinda tippy about it.

Before, I was at church with school and eventually sang loud enough to be heard over that soft crowd. I was mumbling at first, and sometimes someone was looking, like an adult. We flew to NY to go to church, NY state. That's where my brother and the others were going, somewhere else in NY.

I served food to the 3 people leaving and myself was eating hamburger I heated in the microwave. I found some pieces for some reason didn't fit and were still raw and frozen. An adult noticed my hamburger was raw, so I started to turn on a white stove at an opening with like a window in the house. I was about to cook the hamburger.

I guess I had a dream before this waking up but don't remember.

I'm pretty mad. My parents are like leaving me messages around the house for no reason and it's like because I didn't feel good, because of them.

So, I didn't sleep well. I guess I should have went to the bathroom. I've been going a lot, lately.