Wednesday, September 19, 2012
A Popular Topic
I want to know why some people keep on coming up in my life because of my atrocious behavior. People weren't answering me on e-mail, so I became desperate and kept e-mailing them. They should have told me to stop rather than abandon me.
Also, I just came home from college and was like not feeling well and had nothing to do. I didn't know what to do nor what to do money-wise.
So, pretty much, no one talks to me. Just online, I talk to people across the internet.
Also, I just came home from college and was like not feeling well and had nothing to do. I didn't know what to do nor what to do money-wise.
So, pretty much, no one talks to me. Just online, I talk to people across the internet.
What You Really Want
Why not just admit it? I don't know what I really want. I guess I want to get healthier and become an actor.
It's peculiar how it's hard to get close to some people. I want to know about other people, like how they will live their exact dreams. 8|
It's peculiar how it's hard to get close to some people. I want to know about other people, like how they will live their exact dreams. 8|
In Sync
I don't know how to fix the problem about me going crazy with my thoughts for some reason. I don't know why certain things come up. I've had that problem today and that it didn't matter. Something came up. I realized that things always come up. They came in sync.
Mad
So, I got mad while I was out. I felt like my eyes were popping out of my head with such force. My eyes got all blurry. I was wearing contacts.
I blamed who I blamed and thought something similar I thought before about someone else. It "fit in" and wasn't a deliberate wish. Later, I realized my life was overly controlled, and I wanted to know I could do the same since it stripped my of my dignity.
I blamed who I blamed and thought something similar I thought before about someone else. It "fit in" and wasn't a deliberate wish. Later, I realized my life was overly controlled, and I wanted to know I could do the same since it stripped my of my dignity.
The "N" Word Thing
It just seems things have escalated since the "n" word thing. Things were stressful before but not so much.
I mean, come one, think about what happened and for reasons other than the main cause.
I know people are wrong a lot. I've explained it before...
I mean, come one, think about what happened and for reasons other than the main cause.
I know people are wrong a lot. I've explained it before...
PROBLEMS
People are mistreating me for no reason.
I think people want me to feel more stimulated by my parents and not them, and I will not have them come into my home like that.
Also, people want me to be impressed that they know facts about what I will do, and it's like I'm not a person.
What is wrong with these people?
I'd like to learn how to put an end to this all.
I think people want me to feel more stimulated by my parents and not them, and I will not have them come into my home like that.
Also, people want me to be impressed that they know facts about what I will do, and it's like I'm not a person.
What is wrong with these people?
I'd like to learn how to put an end to this all.
Mad
So, I got mad and some things came out kinda bad but didn't really mean it. ,:p
I've been a bit ... er ... cantankerous.
I can tell when someone has "done" something they're not supposed to. I know you're supposed to put up with it, but I guess I wasn't feeling good. I'm not sure why it'd be fun to like attack me when I'm not well.
I've been a bit ... er ... cantankerous.
I can tell when someone has "done" something they're not supposed to. I know you're supposed to put up with it, but I guess I wasn't feeling good. I'm not sure why it'd be fun to like attack me when I'm not well.
Chloë Moretz
So, I know Chloë Moretz uses Instagram. I can't get it on Blackberry, and I like Blackberry. I have a red one, the last one in the store.
Ellen DeGeneres is on there.
I didn't follow her all summer, so it's nothing new to me. I hadn't looked at her Facebook at all.
Anyway, though, it seems as though anyone could Tweet Chloë Moretz every day. I find that some people like me, and I find that some people think they're so creative and want to take away that relationship. It's funny when you see people on the same wavelength as you. However, some people like to wait until it's too late. You can't tell me it just so happens after it's too late that I shouldn't be Tweeting Chloë Moretz! Because she's "with Tim Burton" on Dark Shadows. I actually made it known by posting in my blog and on my site and maybe my Twitter that I don't expect anyone to follow me, but they already should know that. I mean, some people have Twitters named after them. I just realized that I guess that means they look up to them more, but it's prestigious to feel like a role model, more, too. Hm, I wonder what that means?
Ellen DeGeneres is on there.
I didn't follow her all summer, so it's nothing new to me. I hadn't looked at her Facebook at all.
Anyway, though, it seems as though anyone could Tweet Chloë Moretz every day. I find that some people like me, and I find that some people think they're so creative and want to take away that relationship. It's funny when you see people on the same wavelength as you. However, some people like to wait until it's too late. You can't tell me it just so happens after it's too late that I shouldn't be Tweeting Chloë Moretz! Because she's "with Tim Burton" on Dark Shadows. I actually made it known by posting in my blog and on my site and maybe my Twitter that I don't expect anyone to follow me, but they already should know that. I mean, some people have Twitters named after them. I just realized that I guess that means they look up to them more, but it's prestigious to feel like a role model, more, too. Hm, I wonder what that means?
My Grandma
I talked to her, and my cheeks got bigger in a bad way. I talked about her recently, and I feel sensitive about one of my cheeks I've been sensitive over. I'm really mad. That's one reason I don't risk talking to her anymore but want to pay her a visit. I'm writing this in hopes of help. We used to have an okay relationship.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Other People
I will never be like other people just because I tripped up .. supposedly?
I find that people test me on higher levels.
I find that people test me on higher levels.
Things
If you think forcing me to do something makes me bad, that could be done to you, easily.
Also, I don't know about the fascination of knocking out someone of something in life that has them captivated and challenged for so long that they could not get rid of in a way they wanted.
Also, I don't know about the fascination of knocking out someone of something in life that has them captivated and challenged for so long that they could not get rid of in a way they wanted.
Dreams
I was remembering them before.
I guess I'll go into the 2nd one 1st, which isn't as lodged into my memory.
*Sigh* Nothing exciting in my subconscious dreams about Ellen DeGeneres, this time. :(
So, I know I was going somewhere at this point. We crossed the road to a playground. We had just eaten whatever each of our "lunches" were. So, supposedly this was polished versions of my second cousins's kids and kids.. It reminded me of Tim Burton's son in how it was soft but more thin and in a different way rather supple, in a funny way, too. So, they were all around. Well, their parents were there, too, and they still looked young as ever. So, I was going around the playground, walking, romping maybe like as though side to side, the very oldest and biggest in this. They were all still quite little. Like toddlers and in fact not all in it. I think there were warped versions. So, it started one was atop a slide trying to say this was the chocolate place we were to come to, but I was convinced it was dirty water. I went on another thing, and there were snails on the side. With the girl we had to like bar our way down a slide or something, and I told her it wouldn't hurt if she fell. It was pretty tall. So, on the other thing I guess it was apparently pretty dangerous, like I couldn't hold my balance. It actually slowly in a way fell over completely. Ooh wow, but I survived fine, see, no worries. I don't remember what else happened so much. There were negotiations and people interacting.
It's hard to remember the other one, now, for some reason, something like school, ah yes. I said I was switching out of like 4 classes, like it was my last year. I was like winding up at the stress or winding down, in my head. So, I got in band. I wanted to do flute. I pointed there and asked a friend. There were on both sides, back and on the other side front, like maybe over 100 flutes. So, I got clarinet with my friend's little sister, who was very small in this but not very skinny. I said, I wanted to play clarinet, like before. Then, I said I wanted to play oboe, with a smile, like really, and maybe how I tried and couldn't. The clarinet leads to oboe, the hardest instrument.
Well, those are the two main things.
In the one about the playground, which I think was second, at first, I was groping through frozen pizza and other things we don't have in the freezer. There were different sizes but none standard. There was one set apart for my brother that was more appetizing, I could tell because it had somehow for some reason a double layer shell with ham added on top. Like taco shells. I guess I cooked something up and it was supposedly that I went and ate it with my family. It was a sorta lethargic, lazy scene, though. My dad was like up in a regiment.
It was cute seeing my cousins with mousy, bouncy, thick hair, kinda like tapered at the ends or more wet at the ends moreso. They were like cute versions of the real thing, cute in reality but like played down.
I only know of one cousin who is older, but she was never around. I did e-mail her when I started high school. She is 2 years older. She has I think plenty older relatives on her side.
So, it was a nice dream. I guess the exciting part was in the playground fighting the obstacles for some reason. It was like being in a war. We were basically stranded.
Oh, yes, I was cleaning my bathtub after taking a bath and there was a round thing with spikes and maybe other body parts, well yes, supposedly I guess a bumblebee. The tub was draining and I was gonna cup it out. However, it turned into a little moat at the end and I found more bigger body parts that would somehow make it a bigger kind of bug, like a big grasshopper cockroach, which really somehow freaked me out beyond words. I think the round thing was yellow, supposedly with black splatters. The rest were supposedly the same yet now a different color. I just left it and was gonna get a janitor to take care of it. I was just going around. It was disgusting when I realized I was lying in my tub with that thing.
So, it was funny, I guess we had somehow feasted, though I don't think we did, and we were going across the wildnerness, feeling in danger, unprotected and set up. We crossed a road. There were very very tall, somewhat skinny, darker green trees and a dusty dirt road. The dusty playground was hidden behind more trees. We were still wanting chocolate. I said I wanted a big thing of chocolate, like stuff put together. Some fit black girls were with me and approved, kinda not looking at me so much, though. 2 I think. Kinda supple, I know, especially 1.
We were so barren when we realized we were deserted but made it through okay emotionally somehow. The kids were a big wide-eyed, I might say. I think they were worried.
I seem to remember another interaction, maybe with older kids, but it's hard to remember.
Also, I was talking to someone about JROTC and that I had done it, Junior Reserve Officers Training Corpse, the military, a different branch at each public high school. It was just mentioned. Something else, too, I think.
So, kinda a barren, hungry dream, needless to say, better than previous ones.
I guess I'll go into the 2nd one 1st, which isn't as lodged into my memory.
*Sigh* Nothing exciting in my subconscious dreams about Ellen DeGeneres, this time. :(
So, I know I was going somewhere at this point. We crossed the road to a playground. We had just eaten whatever each of our "lunches" were. So, supposedly this was polished versions of my second cousins's kids and kids.. It reminded me of Tim Burton's son in how it was soft but more thin and in a different way rather supple, in a funny way, too. So, they were all around. Well, their parents were there, too, and they still looked young as ever. So, I was going around the playground, walking, romping maybe like as though side to side, the very oldest and biggest in this. They were all still quite little. Like toddlers and in fact not all in it. I think there were warped versions. So, it started one was atop a slide trying to say this was the chocolate place we were to come to, but I was convinced it was dirty water. I went on another thing, and there were snails on the side. With the girl we had to like bar our way down a slide or something, and I told her it wouldn't hurt if she fell. It was pretty tall. So, on the other thing I guess it was apparently pretty dangerous, like I couldn't hold my balance. It actually slowly in a way fell over completely. Ooh wow, but I survived fine, see, no worries. I don't remember what else happened so much. There were negotiations and people interacting.
It's hard to remember the other one, now, for some reason, something like school, ah yes. I said I was switching out of like 4 classes, like it was my last year. I was like winding up at the stress or winding down, in my head. So, I got in band. I wanted to do flute. I pointed there and asked a friend. There were on both sides, back and on the other side front, like maybe over 100 flutes. So, I got clarinet with my friend's little sister, who was very small in this but not very skinny. I said, I wanted to play clarinet, like before. Then, I said I wanted to play oboe, with a smile, like really, and maybe how I tried and couldn't. The clarinet leads to oboe, the hardest instrument.
Well, those are the two main things.
In the one about the playground, which I think was second, at first, I was groping through frozen pizza and other things we don't have in the freezer. There were different sizes but none standard. There was one set apart for my brother that was more appetizing, I could tell because it had somehow for some reason a double layer shell with ham added on top. Like taco shells. I guess I cooked something up and it was supposedly that I went and ate it with my family. It was a sorta lethargic, lazy scene, though. My dad was like up in a regiment.
It was cute seeing my cousins with mousy, bouncy, thick hair, kinda like tapered at the ends or more wet at the ends moreso. They were like cute versions of the real thing, cute in reality but like played down.
I only know of one cousin who is older, but she was never around. I did e-mail her when I started high school. She is 2 years older. She has I think plenty older relatives on her side.
So, it was a nice dream. I guess the exciting part was in the playground fighting the obstacles for some reason. It was like being in a war. We were basically stranded.
Oh, yes, I was cleaning my bathtub after taking a bath and there was a round thing with spikes and maybe other body parts, well yes, supposedly I guess a bumblebee. The tub was draining and I was gonna cup it out. However, it turned into a little moat at the end and I found more bigger body parts that would somehow make it a bigger kind of bug, like a big grasshopper cockroach, which really somehow freaked me out beyond words. I think the round thing was yellow, supposedly with black splatters. The rest were supposedly the same yet now a different color. I just left it and was gonna get a janitor to take care of it. I was just going around. It was disgusting when I realized I was lying in my tub with that thing.
So, it was funny, I guess we had somehow feasted, though I don't think we did, and we were going across the wildnerness, feeling in danger, unprotected and set up. We crossed a road. There were very very tall, somewhat skinny, darker green trees and a dusty dirt road. The dusty playground was hidden behind more trees. We were still wanting chocolate. I said I wanted a big thing of chocolate, like stuff put together. Some fit black girls were with me and approved, kinda not looking at me so much, though. 2 I think. Kinda supple, I know, especially 1.
We were so barren when we realized we were deserted but made it through okay emotionally somehow. The kids were a big wide-eyed, I might say. I think they were worried.
I seem to remember another interaction, maybe with older kids, but it's hard to remember.
Also, I was talking to someone about JROTC and that I had done it, Junior Reserve Officers Training Corpse, the military, a different branch at each public high school. It was just mentioned. Something else, too, I think.
So, kinda a barren, hungry dream, needless to say, better than previous ones.
Monday, September 17, 2012
People
Why won't people stop bugging me? I'll just keep calling them niggers? How else can I get out my frustration? I don't deserve to be the one to be called one.
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