Sunday, September 30, 2012
Feeling Weighted Over
I have this strange feeling overcoming me after eating soup, Buffalo chicken strips with Jalepeno Monetery Jack Cheese, and Dill and Olive Oil Triscuits.. *burp* The soup isn't really as good as you'd think. I plan to go to Whole Foods soon. I guess I'll find vegetables, seeds, nuts, and other natural things. I don't have to have meat, maybe, but it's a supplement other than cheese.
Aftereffects
Why do things keep coming up as aftereffects?
Like, someone makes a move, and then they come up, and they come up with other people.
It makes me insane and feel like I'm hurting people. Like, all of a sudden I can't control a part of my thoughts.
It last for a long time, maybe 2 minutes.
Like, someone makes a move, and then they come up, and they come up with other people.
It makes me insane and feel like I'm hurting people. Like, all of a sudden I can't control a part of my thoughts.
It last for a long time, maybe 2 minutes.
I took down my pictures of me through the years but know of one picture I want to put up tomorrow, the day before my first day of pre-school, where I had a Raisin backpack. I was 3.
Also, I made a new page: http://www.facebook.com/EllensEnergyAdventure.
Also, I made a new page: http://www.facebook.com/EllensEnergyAdventure.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
The Master Race
I guess some people will never have to experience the offsets of a certain race and will rule as the master race, no matter what.
Practicing
Now, awake, I have this feeling that's like milky and feminine and sweet in a spot where before it was tingly,w ell, metally. I still feel a bit agitated and hungry and am not sure how I'm supposed to eat.
HELP!
Now, when I think of my kids, I think of the inklings others have with my grandma! This is so stupid!
STOP
Stop making a project out of me because of the "n" word thing and makingme waste my breath fighting you.
Thinking for Yourself..
What do you think about how some people are always wrong and threatenening you? Tp always listen to them?
"Ellen's Universe of Energy"
I should have filmed this before.
You know the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride???? I liked it better before.
You know the "Pirates of the Caribbean" ride???? I liked it better before.
Inconvenience
I just realized other kids think it's funny when I'm not ready to "prove a point" to older people, but I wonder "what" that point is.
Unfair Judgement
People treat me differently when all evidence leads to the opposite. :|
This isn't anything some people really need to hear. Who will listen to me. I may as well try and find a job, hopefully at Disney World! :0
I know there are supposedly lots of jobs in Disney, but I don't think so. I'm trying to lose weight and think I could get hired, but we didn't go to the grocery store yet, and I'm getting hungry for something else, so.. not sure who long it il take.
This isn't anything some people really need to hear. Who will listen to me. I may as well try and find a job, hopefully at Disney World! :0
I know there are supposedly lots of jobs in Disney, but I don't think so. I'm trying to lose weight and think I could get hired, but we didn't go to the grocery store yet, and I'm getting hungry for something else, so.. not sure who long it il take.
Tim Burton
Would he be as mean to anyone else? He has a dominantly Jewish girlfriend with 2 kids. Why would he be racist? :p
White People
I can trick people. So, white people think that they're all flowers and happiness, but in reality they aren't.
Dream
Now, I remember... :S
I guess I was in a room, and my mom kept coming in and talking to me, like twice. I wanted to feel stimulated. I woke up, and my dad made a noise, like blew his nose twice, and I didn't feel stimulated. Well, I've not been feeling well but still stimulated.
So, also, I was in school.
I wanted to feel stimulated in a way I used to, though I'd really rather not at all. I wanted to because I felt a car in Orlando roared by and convinced me I had to do it, eventually, like in some way.
So, I noticed I'm 5'2". I don't know what that means. I wonder if I'll stay a kid longer.
My left eye is like sorta harder. Like, it sorta sticks out.
So, I was with some friends in college who were a year older.
I guess I was in a room, and my mom kept coming in and talking to me, like twice. I wanted to feel stimulated. I woke up, and my dad made a noise, like blew his nose twice, and I didn't feel stimulated. Well, I've not been feeling well but still stimulated.
So, also, I was in school.
I wanted to feel stimulated in a way I used to, though I'd really rather not at all. I wanted to because I felt a car in Orlando roared by and convinced me I had to do it, eventually, like in some way.
So, I noticed I'm 5'2". I don't know what that means. I wonder if I'll stay a kid longer.
My left eye is like sorta harder. Like, it sorta sticks out.
So, I was with some friends in college who were a year older.
Ellen's Universe of Energy
So, I watched it, and I thought of people who didn't do things before that I did who are now like overly into them.
I watched the parade, and I was thinking of things you might guess, too.
I watched the parade, and I was thinking of things you might guess, too.
Key West
We went to Key West again when I was 19, and I went on the ghost tour with my little cousin, a girl, 5 1|2 years younger.
Oh, now, I remember, I thought I was on top of this, but I got so scared even she couldn't help.
Oh, now, I remember, I thought I was on top of this, but I got so scared even she couldn't help.
Making a Point
Just because of the "n" word thing, my parents are getting in the dirt finding things to talk about. Like, how they act. Like, if I make a point, they explode. Like, if it means I'm good in a weird way.
"The Ellen DeGeneres Show"
I don't work, and I used to watch TV. However, when we moved, I stopped, for some reason. I felt bad about the homeworka nd didn't want to exercise. I didn't have time to practice piano, but that was my college major.
Oh, btw, I eat so strictly because I almost got Diabetes. It just makes me feel jittery. I mean, I could eat moderately, but I guess I just went all the way. I hope I find something other than oatmeal. I want to find seeds at the store and am afraid of all the spices on Triscuits. I know there are those natural crackers that are really stale. I should probably have that. I probably have to go to Whole Foods, which my parents don't shop at, much at all.
So, I was wondering about people who watch her shot. I mean, since like the late 90s, you had the opportunity and option to post online. Don't get mad if someone else does. D:} Also, I realize that people come on and don't end up posting what they think they will. I'm not sure about me, but I know I'm excited about the internet! :D It's a bit unbelievable, but I took it in stride for what it was and not for grated. I've been posting awhile, so maybe I'm getting some practice in?
Oh, btw, I eat so strictly because I almost got Diabetes. It just makes me feel jittery. I mean, I could eat moderately, but I guess I just went all the way. I hope I find something other than oatmeal. I want to find seeds at the store and am afraid of all the spices on Triscuits. I know there are those natural crackers that are really stale. I should probably have that. I probably have to go to Whole Foods, which my parents don't shop at, much at all.
So, I was wondering about people who watch her shot. I mean, since like the late 90s, you had the opportunity and option to post online. Don't get mad if someone else does. D:} Also, I realize that people come on and don't end up posting what they think they will. I'm not sure about me, but I know I'm excited about the internet! :D It's a bit unbelievable, but I took it in stride for what it was and not for grated. I've been posting awhile, so maybe I'm getting some practice in?
Musings
So, anyway, I was thinking, like, I already mentioned this yesterday. Like, I think kids are supposed to do certain things. However, they want to literally prevent other people from doing them. }:( I think it's just because of the "n" word thing, though, and am mad because I won't know how things really are... when they really are? So, anyway, I think it's still a prevailing issue. It doesn't make sense. I don't know how they got there. Maybe, it is funny I ever watched what I watch, which has mostly been "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." I wanted to go out and get a job, but because of the "n" word thing and other things I was unable to. Now, my mom said to just volunteer. I lost my papers to volunteer at the museum. So, I dunno, maybe I will look for them but not sure if I have them. I think I signed up to volunteer at 2 other places. One is like social work. The other is a weekly bar doing wrist bands or construction at a movie theater.
Also, I contacted Walt Disney World about knowing when there is an opening to work at Ellen's Universe of Energy. However, I don't know how good I would be. You'd have to be contatined. Also, they probably do not favor people with black hair. I don't know what to do about my hair. I should jog in the day more. It used to be lighter, even when I didn't jog in the day. I took more baths for a long time, sometimes hours, days in a row. It even used to have little white highlights and like light reddish tints a lot. Once, it was straight and like a light reddish color, but I got rid of the picture thinking more would come. I hadn't taken a shower for a few days. This was in 2008. I remember also it used to have a maroon tint. However, it was more see-through, then, anyway, as it's been a lot of my life.
It's just the base is so dark. It's kinda nice, but it seems a bit fake, in some ways. I guess I'm getting uncomfortable. I mostly wish it was lighter growing up and my eyes. Sure, being dark can be cute, but why just keep getting darker?
Today might be a good day to stay home, not sure why.
So, my hair. I will make a conscious effort to jog during the day. Also, I need something in my room so I can watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" over and over, like in my leisure.
Jogging in the day lightens it pretty quickly, for some reason. Sometimes, it's smooth. I wish it were bouncy.
I'm glad I'm getting thinner from strict dieting and working out. I wonder how much "fake meat" they have at the grocery store, the health store, Whole Foods. I don't really feel like not eating meat, though. I grew up having a lot of chicken. Maybe, I should get more fish and beef. Maybe, at some point, I will be a vegetarian. I kinda don't feel the need to have meat other than fish. I don't really understand how you could go vegan without being very strict or having like unusual opportunities. I haven't had milk much growing up, so ... that's what I drink, now. I should have more tea, too. I was having that for awhile but not like 3 kettles like I heard someone said on the Soapbox on IMDb. I guess fake meat makes sense and is admirable and supplementary. I should probably get some. I used to like soy burgers. I don't know about the ingredients, but Whole Foods sells natural products.
...
Also, I contacted Walt Disney World about knowing when there is an opening to work at Ellen's Universe of Energy. However, I don't know how good I would be. You'd have to be contatined. Also, they probably do not favor people with black hair. I don't know what to do about my hair. I should jog in the day more. It used to be lighter, even when I didn't jog in the day. I took more baths for a long time, sometimes hours, days in a row. It even used to have little white highlights and like light reddish tints a lot. Once, it was straight and like a light reddish color, but I got rid of the picture thinking more would come. I hadn't taken a shower for a few days. This was in 2008. I remember also it used to have a maroon tint. However, it was more see-through, then, anyway, as it's been a lot of my life.
It's just the base is so dark. It's kinda nice, but it seems a bit fake, in some ways. I guess I'm getting uncomfortable. I mostly wish it was lighter growing up and my eyes. Sure, being dark can be cute, but why just keep getting darker?
Today might be a good day to stay home, not sure why.
So, my hair. I will make a conscious effort to jog during the day. Also, I need something in my room so I can watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" over and over, like in my leisure.
Jogging in the day lightens it pretty quickly, for some reason. Sometimes, it's smooth. I wish it were bouncy.
I'm glad I'm getting thinner from strict dieting and working out. I wonder how much "fake meat" they have at the grocery store, the health store, Whole Foods. I don't really feel like not eating meat, though. I grew up having a lot of chicken. Maybe, I should get more fish and beef. Maybe, at some point, I will be a vegetarian. I kinda don't feel the need to have meat other than fish. I don't really understand how you could go vegan without being very strict or having like unusual opportunities. I haven't had milk much growing up, so ... that's what I drink, now. I should have more tea, too. I was having that for awhile but not like 3 kettles like I heard someone said on the Soapbox on IMDb. I guess fake meat makes sense and is admirable and supplementary. I should probably get some. I used to like soy burgers. I don't know about the ingredients, but Whole Foods sells natural products.
...
My Parents
So, I wonder why my parents treat me a certain way. If I didn't feel racist against, I bet I'd be perfect. I don't know, I guess I still have problems, but find that everyone is different.
...
...
Watching Out
I'm feeling better, but I'm worried my parents will be mad at the language I picked up. I just feel a certain way about being called a nigger and did happen to post on my blog that I was thinking of that word when people were racially cruel, like to me usually.
As a Baby
My brother couldn't escape what I escaped, neither.
I guess I just wanted to make sure I was smart or something. I wanted to like be a good person, but I guess I couldn't "stay a baby."
I don't feel like going anywhere, now. :( I don't feel like sleeping until midnight, which is kinda what I want to do.
I guess I just wanted to make sure I was smart or something. I wanted to like be a good person, but I guess I couldn't "stay a baby."
I don't feel like going anywhere, now. :( I don't feel like sleeping until midnight, which is kinda what I want to do.
Me as a Baby
I think I was mistreated as a newborn. As an infant, I think I was treated funnily. I think I had a hard time in the womb. In another way, I appreciated it. :|
Yes!
I finally was able to feel the way I wanted without feeling weird in some way! :0 I like feeling weird, though.
I've also discovered that I was mistreated by other people as a baby, in very bad ways, like made to feel stimulated, for who I was, like I'm not even a person. Couldn't that happen to anyone? Or am I just trash that needs to be left alone!?
I've also discovered that I was mistreated by other people as a baby, in very bad ways, like made to feel stimulated, for who I was, like I'm not even a person. Couldn't that happen to anyone? Or am I just trash that needs to be left alone!?
How I'm Feeling
I feel better after going to the bathroom.
I also realize, my parents have to live disillusioned that they could be offset as I was, if I had to. I'm not shit. :|
I also realize, my parents have to live disillusioned that they could be offset as I was, if I had to. I'm not shit. :|
My Parents
I wonder if my dad is even home. It looks like my mom might not be home, neither, but I don't know. Sometimes, she says good night to me.
Dream
The laundry is running. I slept with the music on and am tired. I wanted to have an active day. }:(
So, I was at school and it seemed people wanted me to take Religion mostly. I was gonna and was told I couldn't audit and to try theater. It was a lady in the area who teaches diction.
I guess I walked over somewhere else and was trying to get a computer.
Do you think my parents are overreacting in private to me getting mad and not trying to do it to them?
So, yea, it was an okay dream. It seemed pretty exciting, though, but I guess I wasn't feeling as good as I could.
I did diet and work out and looked better but don't feel as pure as before I stopped my diet for a meal.
I'm mad because I'm trying to have things go smoothly, and apparently no one cares. I felt so bad and couldn't write, really. I don't want to go back and change what I wrote. Now, what will my parents do? Keep beating anger out of me? They may not care since I was feeling that bad, but they'll probably do something perverted, like think about it at all and like not go on with life as they should.
So, I was at school and it seemed people wanted me to take Religion mostly. I was gonna and was told I couldn't audit and to try theater. It was a lady in the area who teaches diction.
I guess I walked over somewhere else and was trying to get a computer.
Do you think my parents are overreacting in private to me getting mad and not trying to do it to them?
So, yea, it was an okay dream. It seemed pretty exciting, though, but I guess I wasn't feeling as good as I could.
I did diet and work out and looked better but don't feel as pure as before I stopped my diet for a meal.
I'm mad because I'm trying to have things go smoothly, and apparently no one cares. I felt so bad and couldn't write, really. I don't want to go back and change what I wrote. Now, what will my parents do? Keep beating anger out of me? They may not care since I was feeling that bad, but they'll probably do something perverted, like think about it at all and like not go on with life as they should.
Gay
Also, my parents like the laundry room opened, but my mom set me to not like it, like sorta makes noises that somehow affect me. She's so annoying. }:(
They take things too seriously that don't matter and only care about themselves. They will smile at you but underhandedly do something to affect you.
I don't care how antsy you people are, you're not worth it. You're not really smart. }:( I'm tired of people I don't like predicting my thought patterns. I told you you were wrong to do certain things at certain times, and you went ahead and did them anyway and then said they were bad to me. You are so worthless. I will not do this. Do not hold me acocuntable for my feelings.
They take things too seriously that don't matter and only care about themselves. They will smile at you but underhandedly do something to affect you.
I don't care how antsy you people are, you're not worth it. You're not really smart. }:( I'm tired of people I don't like predicting my thought patterns. I told you you were wrong to do certain things at certain times, and you went ahead and did them anyway and then said they were bad to me. You are so worthless. I will not do this. Do not hold me acocuntable for my feelings.
Mistakes
Also, I was feeling good, just now, very good, and caring, and I was just treated like crap and given messages about the past. I WILL NOT STAND THIS. I know my dad is the one doing this. Take him in. He doesn't do this to other people.
I lay on my couch just a few hours ago, and a cycle of thought like sleep, and then I was in bed sorta holding in those thoughts.. now, I lost the concreteness of it and feel sorta knocked out mercilessly, was just recovering from the week. How gay is this? I went ot eh store with my dad one day for like a few stores fora few hours, could have k alled if he cared, Now, I had a hard week. My dad was gay and staye dhome and got sick just because I hit things a little hard, too. Someone get him!
...
Everything was supposed to be okay now. Now, I feel awakened. My parents are worthless. They strip me of my dignity and ability to talk now, too., I don't want to post about this.
I lay on my couch just a few hours ago, and a cycle of thought like sleep, and then I was in bed sorta holding in those thoughts.. now, I lost the concreteness of it and feel sorta knocked out mercilessly, was just recovering from the week. How gay is this? I went ot eh store with my dad one day for like a few stores fora few hours, could have k alled if he cared, Now, I had a hard week. My dad was gay and staye dhome and got sick just because I hit things a little hard, too. Someone get him!
...
Everything was supposed to be okay now. Now, I feel awakened. My parents are worthless. They strip me of my dignity and ability to talk now, too., I don't want to post about this.
Very Hurt
My mom was like totally worthless, making stupid noises at the laundry, to torture me. She just has no poise and wants to get back at being mean to me. I will not listen to people trying to punish me for it. Don't waste your time, and just go away. You're not worth it. Not at all, you stupid loser. It really bothered me. My parents are gay and obsesssed with treating me like other kids and not letting me ever feel good. I feel really bad at how my parents are fascinated with controlling me like I'm stupid. How can my mom manipulate how I feel as though I were just worthless? LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU STUPID PEOPLE! I was gonna have my dad comment on my blog, but now I won't remind him. No one cares about their feelings. I was tring to sleep!
I want to feel good, not perverted. Stop making up things.
I want to feel good, not perverted. Stop making up things.
Niggers
My parents are torturing me.
I was mad yesterday, but I explained. It doesn't matter, but it wasn't that bad.
My mom like set me off yesterday and today, the washing machine on, and it's so annoying, even with ear plugs.
I'm getting weird messages from other people and people are interfering with relationships I've made, constantly!
My parents won't let me off on things, and I can't get things stuck out of my ead, so why not stop them?
Also, I don't believe in taking away good things from me because it happened when someone made me really mad.
Give it a rest on the "n" word thing. Don't make me fight about it. Just leave me alone.
...
I was trying to sleep, too. This is so gay. Now, I feel really bad, wound up. Why wind me up? No one cares about me and my future.
I was mad yesterday, but I explained. It doesn't matter, but it wasn't that bad.
My mom like set me off yesterday and today, the washing machine on, and it's so annoying, even with ear plugs.
I'm getting weird messages from other people and people are interfering with relationships I've made, constantly!
My parents won't let me off on things, and I can't get things stuck out of my ead, so why not stop them?
Also, I don't believe in taking away good things from me because it happened when someone made me really mad.
Give it a rest on the "n" word thing. Don't make me fight about it. Just leave me alone.
...
I was trying to sleep, too. This is so gay. Now, I feel really bad, wound up. Why wind me up? No one cares about me and my future.
Hair Color
I've met lots of people I like with black hair but also otherwise. Blue or brown eyes, I think. My dad has blue eyes and black hair.
Disney Rides
So, I was watching the Haunted Mansion on YouTube, and from L.A., it mdae me like scared all over my louneg paants. Only for a moment. =}
I don't know about theone in Orlando.
:) Also, I'm happy about working out because when I was younger I didn't work out every day. Ia' also on a strict diet.
I thought you were supposed to get scared on the Haunted House. I guess if I went there, it'd be more fun. :|
I was really scared the whole time, tough, watching Ellen's Energy Adventure. Or Universe of Energy. I guess it took awhile for me to get the drift. I think I was like gonna explode. I was scared of Ellen, and I was scared of the dinosaurs. That's funny. I have a friend whose parents are born 45 years before her, and she said Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka scared her, though her and my old friend were into "Pirates of the Caribbean."
I find that I easily have fun thinking of other poeple, myself. I mean, it's fun, but I will also accept a point wholeheartedly, realizing it may occcuer to me.
I suppose to could resensitize me. Then, I'd get scared.
I think I was scared of Ellen's ride even before I went in, knowing about the dinsoaurs, too. I guess I was really agitated, nervous, and irritated about it. I went in, and it was actually scarier than I imagined. Constant roaring and fighting, in your presence! Looming over you as you pass by. Then, you see Ellen there. It's along ride.
So, does Ellen DeGeneres like younger kids or odler kids? I was wondering because younger kids look old-fashioned. They're not much like Ellen, for some reason.
I think that people should realize who they are and stuff. I mean, I'm always doing that, but people tend to think I'm not. D*:
I don't know about theone in Orlando.
:) Also, I'm happy about working out because when I was younger I didn't work out every day. Ia' also on a strict diet.
I thought you were supposed to get scared on the Haunted House. I guess if I went there, it'd be more fun. :|
I was really scared the whole time, tough, watching Ellen's Energy Adventure. Or Universe of Energy. I guess it took awhile for me to get the drift. I think I was like gonna explode. I was scared of Ellen, and I was scared of the dinosaurs. That's funny. I have a friend whose parents are born 45 years before her, and she said Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka scared her, though her and my old friend were into "Pirates of the Caribbean."
I find that I easily have fun thinking of other poeple, myself. I mean, it's fun, but I will also accept a point wholeheartedly, realizing it may occcuer to me.
I suppose to could resensitize me. Then, I'd get scared.
I think I was scared of Ellen's ride even before I went in, knowing about the dinsoaurs, too. I guess I was really agitated, nervous, and irritated about it. I went in, and it was actually scarier than I imagined. Constant roaring and fighting, in your presence! Looming over you as you pass by. Then, you see Ellen there. It's along ride.
So, does Ellen DeGeneres like younger kids or odler kids? I was wondering because younger kids look old-fashioned. They're not much like Ellen, for some reason.
I think that people should realize who they are and stuff. I mean, I'm always doing that, but people tend to think I'm not. D*:
Disney
When I was 10, I went on the Haunted Mansion with my dad and aunt and other relatives. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do, and I remember my aunt put her arm around me. When we saw the Electrical parade, which now only shows in other Disney parks, she asked if I wanted to sit on her shoulder|s. She said the same thing in Key West I think, when I was a teenager. To see a band perform. I only went out in New Orleans once, and that was when my aunt visited. I lived in the area all as a teenager, 12-18.
When I went on Pirates of the Caribbean, the drop didn't scare me at all, but it terrified everyone else. I don't know why, but it was the frist ride I|we picked after Swiss Family Robinson. :|
I think the scariest ride is either Splash Mountain or Ellen's Energy Adventure. I'm not really that scared of the roller coasters.. They're my favorites. I haven't yet been on a roller coaster ride that scared me a lot, but I've seen one. When I went to a water park in New Orleans, I went on the scariest slide without any hesitation, maybe more than once, and had a blast. I don't even go on most festival rides. I hate that boat ride. It's always a big ordeal. I sorta made fun of people for not liking the ferris wheel, but now I can't stand it.
On my birthday, http://christina--barrett.blogspot.com/2012/05/disney-world-for-my-26th-birthday.html.
So, why do I get scared on the Ellen ride? Because it's Ellen! Well, it was really because of the dinosaurs, but I think it's also because of Ellen. Her mom is yougner than my dad's mom, though.
So, when I was at the Haunted Mansion, I think we were thinking of taking the exit, and I kinda was looking at it, and I guess my aunt said it was too late.
Something else funny, is I swerve around, increasingly, as I think of stimulating others. That says it all, there, in and of itself. :)
So, what do you think of people with younger parents? I find them to be more stimualted and sensitive and contained.. :| I can't think ... wait, my parents have ol I mean younger parents and are older.
So, I noticed something interesting about how old Ellen DeGeneres's mom was when she was born.
Did you realize that your female part could have existed before someone older than you's other part?
I guess, Ellen DeGeneres would seem a lot older if your mom was born in like 1980..
That would be funny. I don't think I'd show all of my kid to her because I feel more like her kid. Do you know what that kid would feel like from me? 8^o
...
So, what do you think of people of the generation where they look bubbly? Hm. I notice that they take to people born around 1959.. Ellen DeGeneres is born in 1958. I notice concretely taht. these said bubbly people are born 2|3 years before me and that the people a year younger also are a certain way. People are like my age are like ... Amanda Bynes and Brittany Snow and the boy in "The Santa Claus," who is a day older than me, the other 2 girls being older than me by months. I'm older than the Olsen twins by about 20 days. I think people younger than me are into things like Angry Birds and Anime, like of various ages. I guess it stops at some point, maybe around my brother's age. :6 I know that poeple like to baby oeo born around 1984. 8^. It's hard for me to think otherwise. Okay, so think about kids born around 1994? I mean, does that mark a certain point? Maybe, that's women who have kids older. It seems they keep thinking there's a slope, like it stops at my age. That kinda disturbs me because my mom is Chinese-Inodnesian. I used to get jealous of the little kids when I was 6, in Northeastern Florida. I don't understand why people think I'm tackily Chinese. Maybe, my mom does have hidden desires, but I don't! What would that be passed on to me? It might be good for you, but you don't have to do it. People who are Eurasian tend to back|shy away from me. They tend to want to be Asian and the ones who don't have indian.
I need to go to bed soon, another busy day awaits!
When I went on Pirates of the Caribbean, the drop didn't scare me at all, but it terrified everyone else. I don't know why, but it was the frist ride I|we picked after Swiss Family Robinson. :|
I think the scariest ride is either Splash Mountain or Ellen's Energy Adventure. I'm not really that scared of the roller coasters.. They're my favorites. I haven't yet been on a roller coaster ride that scared me a lot, but I've seen one. When I went to a water park in New Orleans, I went on the scariest slide without any hesitation, maybe more than once, and had a blast. I don't even go on most festival rides. I hate that boat ride. It's always a big ordeal. I sorta made fun of people for not liking the ferris wheel, but now I can't stand it.
On my birthday, http://christina--barrett.blogspot.com/2012/05/disney-world-for-my-26th-birthday.html.
So, why do I get scared on the Ellen ride? Because it's Ellen! Well, it was really because of the dinosaurs, but I think it's also because of Ellen. Her mom is yougner than my dad's mom, though.
So, when I was at the Haunted Mansion, I think we were thinking of taking the exit, and I kinda was looking at it, and I guess my aunt said it was too late.
Something else funny, is I swerve around, increasingly, as I think of stimulating others. That says it all, there, in and of itself. :)
So, what do you think of people with younger parents? I find them to be more stimualted and sensitive and contained.. :| I can't think ... wait, my parents have ol I mean younger parents and are older.
So, I noticed something interesting about how old Ellen DeGeneres's mom was when she was born.
Did you realize that your female part could have existed before someone older than you's other part?
I guess, Ellen DeGeneres would seem a lot older if your mom was born in like 1980..
That would be funny. I don't think I'd show all of my kid to her because I feel more like her kid. Do you know what that kid would feel like from me? 8^o
...
So, what do you think of people of the generation where they look bubbly? Hm. I notice that they take to people born around 1959.. Ellen DeGeneres is born in 1958. I notice concretely taht. these said bubbly people are born 2|3 years before me and that the people a year younger also are a certain way. People are like my age are like ... Amanda Bynes and Brittany Snow and the boy in "The Santa Claus," who is a day older than me, the other 2 girls being older than me by months. I'm older than the Olsen twins by about 20 days. I think people younger than me are into things like Angry Birds and Anime, like of various ages. I guess it stops at some point, maybe around my brother's age. :6 I know that poeple like to baby oeo born around 1984. 8^. It's hard for me to think otherwise. Okay, so think about kids born around 1994? I mean, does that mark a certain point? Maybe, that's women who have kids older. It seems they keep thinking there's a slope, like it stops at my age. That kinda disturbs me because my mom is Chinese-Inodnesian. I used to get jealous of the little kids when I was 6, in Northeastern Florida. I don't understand why people think I'm tackily Chinese. Maybe, my mom does have hidden desires, but I don't! What would that be passed on to me? It might be good for you, but you don't have to do it. People who are Eurasian tend to back|shy away from me. They tend to want to be Asian and the ones who don't have indian.
I need to go to bed soon, another busy day awaits!
Friday, September 28, 2012
Weak
I'm getting that weak feeling again, from eating healthily. It's an elated feeling, and I feel stuff around me, for some reason, in a good way.
My Dad
When he came home, he did something messec up. He leaned over and made his eyes look wide and narrow. He did it in a way that didn't seem nice, like I've seen kids act. Why doesn't he just go hang out with them?
Mad?
Why does my mom make such a big deal about my behavior? Like turns over every stone? My dad doesn't make me mad like an animal.
I also feel that people are being saucy with me, like if I do something where I get mad, they think that I did something to them.
I also feel that people are being saucy with me, like if I do something where I get mad, they think that I did something to them.
Uh.
My dad was just home. The police weren't here. My mom is still in her room.
I'm upset. I got upset at Tim Burton. "Hotel Transylvania" is coming out. I think it put me in a bad mood.
My dad just had to go to the bathroom. He didn't seem upset, though. ?:
I'm upset. I got upset at Tim Burton. "Hotel Transylvania" is coming out. I think it put me in a bad mood.
My dad just had to go to the bathroom. He didn't seem upset, though. ?:
Suspicious Activity
I got so mad at the dog. The dog was suggestive to me on some place on the left side of my body.
Now, my mom is "calling" people ... someone about something and a friend, I think.
Now, my mom is "calling" people ... someone about something and a friend, I think.
Things Getting in the Way of My Life
If Tim Burton has, for no good reason, retreated from the world, to only take care of his daughter, then, why is his daughter still getting in the way of my life?
Also, I got mad, I just was acting mad and like closed the laundry machine hard. Now, my mom locked me out of her room. She probably feels good she thinks she has an incentive to call the police on me, like my parents have done twice. I don't like that. I go to a hospital, and my dad won't take me back since I came back after one night last time, convinced a Chinese doctor I was ready to leave. He is mean.
Also, I forget exactly what I was thinking, but, if something isn't wrong to begin with ... like, why is there a problem?
My life is not at a good stage, and I really want to stay home.
Also, I got mad, I just was acting mad and like closed the laundry machine hard. Now, my mom locked me out of her room. She probably feels good she thinks she has an incentive to call the police on me, like my parents have done twice. I don't like that. I go to a hospital, and my dad won't take me back since I came back after one night last time, convinced a Chinese doctor I was ready to leave. He is mean.
Also, I forget exactly what I was thinking, but, if something isn't wrong to begin with ... like, why is there a problem?
My life is not at a good stage, and I really want to stay home.
Mad
I probably shouldn't have gotten so mad, but I was pretty fed up.
Oh no, now what will happen? D:
My parents just won't leave me alone!
Oh no, now what will happen? D:
My parents just won't leave me alone!
Mad
My mom is usually out on Fridays, lately, but I just found out what she does on Fridays. I wasn't feeling well.
She's a pervert, too, and always mean to me.
She's a pervert, too, and always mean to me.
Visions in My Walk ... or ... The Big Picture
So, it's not a secret. I have a big obsession with Ellen DeGeneres. I don't know why, but she's really cool, one of the coolest people out there, to me. I find her to be sweet and smart, just like me, the words everyone used to describe me, as I matured.
I'm a bit old for Ellen DeGeneres, but when push comes to shove I will admit that she's old enough to know everything about me because I know everything about you. So, no, I'm not really, in every way ... too old for Ellen DeGeneres.
What concerns me most is the afterlife. No one is concerned about what happens when we die. I'm actually more concerned about what happenson this earth.
So, my biggest obsession is the ride that features Ellen DeGeneres at Disney World. I am obsessed with her robot. I am also obsessed with the trees around her.
I think everyone is most obsessed with that, underneath it all. It's not what they dwell on, like me.
So, I walked out in the road with cars zooming past me almost constantly, always thinking, always reacting, thinking about this, though I had a lot of quiet moments.
I've been on some adventures myself that involve the "afterlife." I shared this experience with other people, in certain ways, but I knew I could get people to come into it for me, if I can tap into it in a certain area. The funny thing is a hurricane brought me there, when I thought my life was an experiment, eventually.
So, one thing I came up with that probably is an idea lots of people have had is that there are ghost-infested areas, and I started watching "Ghost Adventures" as my first TV thing, after my life changed when I punched my wall, not in a very bad way, feeling treated racially bad online.
The ultimate thing, I can't remember exactly, would be to concoct this hugely complicated idea that road with me as I walekd where like you get a comepetent movie star to go to a ghost site with a bunch of people ... does't sound that cool. If you think about it, it makes sense.
My initial idea was to go in a place with a lot of foliage, like dark, but away from society so that you know there's no one there. I'm not sure about the animals.
There's just one thing to think about I guess, and it guides you to your goal. My goal is or was Disney World, and then it became Disneyland when I finalized it.
The one thing that keeps me going is think of it this way. If you can get people excited and scared, they will end up doing anything.
I guess one magical thing that happened to me was when I went to Disney World with my friend, my hair was smooth and curly just those days, like in those little black curls but not too small but pretty small. She surprised me. It was a very "realistic" experience, but it was very enriching. After living in Disney, it's kinda not really magical, me not having gone there when I believed in magic, but I was lucky enough to go along pretty excited and have some funny things happen. I guess I got practice from being with my friends. Well, 1 friend. (Oh no, there was and is a moth around my computer screen. There are 2 things in my bathroom, too, still.)
Well, I didn't get any souveniers when we went to Disney World on my birthday. We didn't go much growing up. I went when I was 10 with relatives. I went with my friend a few times as a pre-teen and teenager. I went to Grad Nite, which, I was tired, but other than that, it was so cool. Then, we went back again in the summer, and my relatives and friend came.
(I've been battling this moth. Maybe, I should ignore it or tired it out.)
Well, I know that when I think of something that it will mappen.
(I turned on the light and brushed it away.)
I was thinking of what was set up when I was 11 and that I was supposed to like baby people my brother's age, who I got on with more than my brother. My brother seemed to always be in the way. I'm taller than the smaller ones probably.
I don't like people who kinda look to the finish and don't want an adventure, who don't have to live. 8^.
Do you also know about people who think they deserve everything?
Well, I think I will be a dinosaur for Halloween.
So, I don't quite know where to begin. Should I hint in a movie, an idea I got, after someone passed by. How would I do that? The main thing I've been thinking about is trees and like glimpses, like ideas, or like ghosts of people. I wonder what goes on through the heads of others and how real the onset is. I can't really think fo what I wan tot.
I know some people never get surprised, conveniently enough. I guess the little things surprise them.
Ifound fun when I was up north and like walking around the city and buying things, looking at things, just dreaming about what interested me. I wasn't able to sustain these things. Only a few things happened. I had a wild time in Orlando.
I wast thinking most people these days don't realize the importance of the experiences of your life.
I guess when I went camping up north was an incredible experience, in and of itself. You have to build up experiences and not take things for grantec.
So, I noticed a lot of people feel a lot, and that's fine with me, though I know I wanted to feel a lot but in a different way.
I wonder why some people don't feel as much ... why some people think ... I forget now.
I wonder why me being the child of someone a certain way I supposedly don't meet his needs as much as the generation that followed him.
So, I am easily succomed by stupidity? I guess I'm uncomfortable. I noticed I don't really feel anything, anymore, and like I don't feel any pressure, neither, and I just feel like in one spot.
I just don't like that metally feeling and don't see why I should exist merely to foil past generations. I've come to a breaking point of stupidity. I guess I've always been that way. I don't want to have to feel something in a wrong way or in some way just because of something that's not my fault. I'm pretty mad about the fact that maybe I'm younger than people who have older moms, like who are younger. I guess it makes sense. I feel better now that I realize that I like having my father be the age that he is. I find that most people who are younger, men, are kinda hick. I had a dream about Ellen DeGeneres last night, and she resembled the youngest boy in "The Brady Bunch." I don't want to be like other people with a mom my mom's age, though.
So, I guess if I had kids, I'd be out, but I made like a labyrinth around the idea of having kids, nothing anyone would want to ever like "take any of my time."
So, I like my mom because of her generation, and when people ... her style ... the style of her generation ... and when people try to like make me think otherwise, like not feel a certain way, I get an after-effect.
I'm also not less smart. Wouldn't that make your parents less smart?
Why would my mom be less like people in between her age and someone else's? Well, her dad looks more like that, for some reason, but her mom does't.
So, do you see things from the 80s and like old times like for kids all as a big blur?
I find that people with a mom my age who are younger seem like they have a mom who is older. They tend not to listen and not be like their parents.
So, I tend to think sometimes of one person at a time, no matter who it is, but sometimes I'm used to thinking of other people, I noticed.
I guess I got mad the way I feel a bad way. I don't feel loved. How can I function?
I guess a lot of kids try to copy older kids but think they're different when they act the same way.
Something that bothered me was that the female trait comes from the dad, and the neutral|male trait comes from the mom. However, I'm a girl, and I like my mom. I'm not gonna ever do mental gymnastics for an older woman. Nor for younger women who are afraid to feel.
I guess younger kids are more juiced up from their moms.
My mom might seem to supplement my dad, but she doesn't go through things like people more his age do.
So, people care about people born around 1960 but not about kids born around 1985.
Just watched the last 3 episodes of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."
So, I guess I have to think on this and go to bed. Good night, all! :)
I'm a bit old for Ellen DeGeneres, but when push comes to shove I will admit that she's old enough to know everything about me because I know everything about you. So, no, I'm not really, in every way ... too old for Ellen DeGeneres.
What concerns me most is the afterlife. No one is concerned about what happens when we die. I'm actually more concerned about what happenson this earth.
So, my biggest obsession is the ride that features Ellen DeGeneres at Disney World. I am obsessed with her robot. I am also obsessed with the trees around her.
I think everyone is most obsessed with that, underneath it all. It's not what they dwell on, like me.
So, I walked out in the road with cars zooming past me almost constantly, always thinking, always reacting, thinking about this, though I had a lot of quiet moments.
I've been on some adventures myself that involve the "afterlife." I shared this experience with other people, in certain ways, but I knew I could get people to come into it for me, if I can tap into it in a certain area. The funny thing is a hurricane brought me there, when I thought my life was an experiment, eventually.
So, one thing I came up with that probably is an idea lots of people have had is that there are ghost-infested areas, and I started watching "Ghost Adventures" as my first TV thing, after my life changed when I punched my wall, not in a very bad way, feeling treated racially bad online.
The ultimate thing, I can't remember exactly, would be to concoct this hugely complicated idea that road with me as I walekd where like you get a comepetent movie star to go to a ghost site with a bunch of people ... does't sound that cool. If you think about it, it makes sense.
My initial idea was to go in a place with a lot of foliage, like dark, but away from society so that you know there's no one there. I'm not sure about the animals.
There's just one thing to think about I guess, and it guides you to your goal. My goal is or was Disney World, and then it became Disneyland when I finalized it.
The one thing that keeps me going is think of it this way. If you can get people excited and scared, they will end up doing anything.
I guess one magical thing that happened to me was when I went to Disney World with my friend, my hair was smooth and curly just those days, like in those little black curls but not too small but pretty small. She surprised me. It was a very "realistic" experience, but it was very enriching. After living in Disney, it's kinda not really magical, me not having gone there when I believed in magic, but I was lucky enough to go along pretty excited and have some funny things happen. I guess I got practice from being with my friends. Well, 1 friend. (Oh no, there was and is a moth around my computer screen. There are 2 things in my bathroom, too, still.)
Well, I didn't get any souveniers when we went to Disney World on my birthday. We didn't go much growing up. I went when I was 10 with relatives. I went with my friend a few times as a pre-teen and teenager. I went to Grad Nite, which, I was tired, but other than that, it was so cool. Then, we went back again in the summer, and my relatives and friend came.
(I've been battling this moth. Maybe, I should ignore it or tired it out.)
Well, I know that when I think of something that it will mappen.
(I turned on the light and brushed it away.)
I was thinking of what was set up when I was 11 and that I was supposed to like baby people my brother's age, who I got on with more than my brother. My brother seemed to always be in the way. I'm taller than the smaller ones probably.
I don't like people who kinda look to the finish and don't want an adventure, who don't have to live. 8^.
Do you also know about people who think they deserve everything?
Well, I think I will be a dinosaur for Halloween.
So, I don't quite know where to begin. Should I hint in a movie, an idea I got, after someone passed by. How would I do that? The main thing I've been thinking about is trees and like glimpses, like ideas, or like ghosts of people. I wonder what goes on through the heads of others and how real the onset is. I can't really think fo what I wan tot.
I know some people never get surprised, conveniently enough. I guess the little things surprise them.
Ifound fun when I was up north and like walking around the city and buying things, looking at things, just dreaming about what interested me. I wasn't able to sustain these things. Only a few things happened. I had a wild time in Orlando.
I wast thinking most people these days don't realize the importance of the experiences of your life.
I guess when I went camping up north was an incredible experience, in and of itself. You have to build up experiences and not take things for grantec.
So, I noticed a lot of people feel a lot, and that's fine with me, though I know I wanted to feel a lot but in a different way.
I wonder why some people don't feel as much ... why some people think ... I forget now.
I wonder why me being the child of someone a certain way I supposedly don't meet his needs as much as the generation that followed him.
So, I am easily succomed by stupidity? I guess I'm uncomfortable. I noticed I don't really feel anything, anymore, and like I don't feel any pressure, neither, and I just feel like in one spot.
I just don't like that metally feeling and don't see why I should exist merely to foil past generations. I've come to a breaking point of stupidity. I guess I've always been that way. I don't want to have to feel something in a wrong way or in some way just because of something that's not my fault. I'm pretty mad about the fact that maybe I'm younger than people who have older moms, like who are younger. I guess it makes sense. I feel better now that I realize that I like having my father be the age that he is. I find that most people who are younger, men, are kinda hick. I had a dream about Ellen DeGeneres last night, and she resembled the youngest boy in "The Brady Bunch." I don't want to be like other people with a mom my mom's age, though.
So, I guess if I had kids, I'd be out, but I made like a labyrinth around the idea of having kids, nothing anyone would want to ever like "take any of my time."
So, I like my mom because of her generation, and when people ... her style ... the style of her generation ... and when people try to like make me think otherwise, like not feel a certain way, I get an after-effect.
I'm also not less smart. Wouldn't that make your parents less smart?
Why would my mom be less like people in between her age and someone else's? Well, her dad looks more like that, for some reason, but her mom does't.
So, do you see things from the 80s and like old times like for kids all as a big blur?
I find that people with a mom my age who are younger seem like they have a mom who is older. They tend not to listen and not be like their parents.
So, I tend to think sometimes of one person at a time, no matter who it is, but sometimes I'm used to thinking of other people, I noticed.
I guess I got mad the way I feel a bad way. I don't feel loved. How can I function?
I guess a lot of kids try to copy older kids but think they're different when they act the same way.
Something that bothered me was that the female trait comes from the dad, and the neutral|male trait comes from the mom. However, I'm a girl, and I like my mom. I'm not gonna ever do mental gymnastics for an older woman. Nor for younger women who are afraid to feel.
I guess younger kids are more juiced up from their moms.
My mom might seem to supplement my dad, but she doesn't go through things like people more his age do.
So, people care about people born around 1960 but not about kids born around 1985.
Just watched the last 3 episodes of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."
So, I guess I have to think on this and go to bed. Good night, all! :)
Delption of the Brain
YOu can't say things without figuring them out first and keep figuring them out later. You'll not be very smart.
Mad
My parents put the peanut butter on top of the salt. I guess other people do that. I wouldn't. That's just dumb. Why make an open cover?
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Halloween
YouTube
Halloween
Trick or Treat
No sense in getting expensive shoes I don't want that I can't walk around in, easily. :|
Halloween
Trick or Treat
No sense in getting expensive shoes I don't want that I can't walk around in, easily. :|
Distrust
I notice a lot of people don't trust me by where I lived and my experiences because I wasn't supposed to be there, by convenience sake. What fun is it in thinking about that, like that?
Perfection
Though accomplished, my life is pretty uncomfortable.
People have gotten me to deal with things I did not want to deal with, to do things I did not want to do...
They get antsy at me for wanting me to be perfect when I'm not.
People have gotten me to deal with things I did not want to deal with, to do things I did not want to do...
They get antsy at me for wanting me to be perfect when I'm not.
Paranoid
My doctor scratchily if he did highlighted parts for a diabetes diet, and I noticed something else in the house.
Diet
I'm going back on the diet. I didn't have dessert. I guess... Also, my heart hurts. I don't know if I'm working out, today, because I didn't eat right. :p I should, but I feel like going to sleep. I wanna sing, too, though.
That feeling of being so tired is not good.
That feeling of being so tired is not good.
Dream
When I was with my dad and 2 girls, I imagined that there was a lady, a tall husky, but pretty lady, pumping a child, kinda funnily, and my dad was looking kinda bewildered. I think I ended up yea going away and like there was this dark srawny scratchy cat family at my feet, and I kept jumping up and suspending myself in air trying to find a place to land. Then, there was a giant that had to be knocked out.
Dream
It was just a feeling of being like controlled or taken care of or rather just being there and letting the other person like do something. I suppose it was also because the person was older. It's a nice feeling because why would you interact with someone who's just all jittery and doesn't know what they're doing. I've somehow become a person who's liked to feel a lot but sometimes not feel a lot, though now I feel a lot, in a way. I don't feel overbeared, all the time, though.
Dream
I had 2 long dreams.
I guess the most interesting part was I was with Ellen DeGeneres and ... for some reason ... ... she was holding my fingers with her fingers, and for some reason I made myself feel really stimulated. First, she had my left fingers, and soon after my right fingers and she worked her way up grasping my right wrist bone on the right. I felt really stimulated by however she moved, too. Why was it nice? Well, you get a certain feeling when you're with people and when you're with people you like and want to get close to.. She was really nice. Also, when people touch you, sometimes there is a certain connection and you feel really strongly. I think it ended there.
She was in my dream I think hosting something at the beginning, too, and like was there the 2nd time, but I wasn't involved in her.
I know I was jogging around a track at church and imagining a tall old lady picking me up, which didn't really feel that good, but it's something I do. Well, no, I don't usually do that. Well, that's how it happened, and it was kinda a concrete thought. I dunno, I just "did it." I am usually hesitent to imagine things like that..
A new cheerleader friend was in it with big arms and skinny legs. I was jumping up. I recorded myself lying in bed swirving around in a circle, like lying down, without moving any muscles, an elating experience.
So, it was neat, for some reason she was like holding my fingers and moving them and it just really stimulated my fingers physically and me.
For some reason, I felt stimulated in some interesting ways, when I was lying in bed, which it seems I usually do these days, I've decided. However, it's funny, this one time, I was totally knocked out. I'm careful not to be too careful when I stimulate myself, though.
I also find myself really tired, which tells me my diet is too strict. :( However, I was getting diabetes, so maybe no dessert.
I guess it was just really nice for someone to do something different like play with my fingers. I guess it was weird that it happened, but it was interesting how strongly it felt. It didn't exactly totally knock me out, but it was a strong feeling I had. At least, it wasn't that metally feeling, which I got rid of when I came home from college.
I'm just afraid I'll need to give myself shots for diabetes for having dessert but like never drinking soda and stuff. It seems like a phase I'm going through because I used to not eat dessert much for awhile. I do feel kinda like restless and irritated.
So, what do you think about when people touch you? People haven't really touched me, where I live, and I don't really let them, for some reason.
I guess the most interesting part was I was with Ellen DeGeneres and ... for some reason ... ... she was holding my fingers with her fingers, and for some reason I made myself feel really stimulated. First, she had my left fingers, and soon after my right fingers and she worked her way up grasping my right wrist bone on the right. I felt really stimulated by however she moved, too. Why was it nice? Well, you get a certain feeling when you're with people and when you're with people you like and want to get close to.. She was really nice. Also, when people touch you, sometimes there is a certain connection and you feel really strongly. I think it ended there.
She was in my dream I think hosting something at the beginning, too, and like was there the 2nd time, but I wasn't involved in her.
I know I was jogging around a track at church and imagining a tall old lady picking me up, which didn't really feel that good, but it's something I do. Well, no, I don't usually do that. Well, that's how it happened, and it was kinda a concrete thought. I dunno, I just "did it." I am usually hesitent to imagine things like that..
A new cheerleader friend was in it with big arms and skinny legs. I was jumping up. I recorded myself lying in bed swirving around in a circle, like lying down, without moving any muscles, an elating experience.
So, it was neat, for some reason she was like holding my fingers and moving them and it just really stimulated my fingers physically and me.
For some reason, I felt stimulated in some interesting ways, when I was lying in bed, which it seems I usually do these days, I've decided. However, it's funny, this one time, I was totally knocked out. I'm careful not to be too careful when I stimulate myself, though.
I also find myself really tired, which tells me my diet is too strict. :( However, I was getting diabetes, so maybe no dessert.
I guess it was just really nice for someone to do something different like play with my fingers. I guess it was weird that it happened, but it was interesting how strongly it felt. It didn't exactly totally knock me out, but it was a strong feeling I had. At least, it wasn't that metally feeling, which I got rid of when I came home from college.
I'm just afraid I'll need to give myself shots for diabetes for having dessert but like never drinking soda and stuff. It seems like a phase I'm going through because I used to not eat dessert much for awhile. I do feel kinda like restless and irritated.
So, what do you think about when people touch you? People haven't really touched me, where I live, and I don't really let them, for some reason.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Yesterday
I had to go to the bathroom so badly. I went 3 times at Olive Garden. I came home and went I think 3 or 4 times, kinda a lot.
How My Day Went
So, a man seemed to think it was cute that the Chinese doctor was mean to me. I thought, "I didn't think that," and then the idea of the word nigger sorta came out, like a Pokemon, like I was in a power ball, for some reason.. Then I went to get a drink at the water fountain, and someone sounded like they had said, "Bruce Lee," and it affected a part of my body. People were kinda nice to me thereon, though. I still feel a bit slammed and like weak in that arena, since I did not like that, when I think about it, you know? It's just "not something I do." I saw a nice lady at the bar, though.
How My Day Went
I realized that thinking I could be so lax as to offend you and be comforted is worse than letting off because someone else made a mistake.
So, why do YOU accept others's buckerings to you?
So, I went to the doctor. I saw a Middle Eastern couple. The man looked more European. The lady was pretty big. It seemed they thought of the word "nigger" a little, like a little circle. I saw them walking outside as I was waiting for my mom, and it seemed like the lady was saying with the man, thinking, "Did you see anything?"
So, I had a nice tall black lady nurse I didn't manage to record. When my mom came out to talk to all the black ladies I slipped away and recorded myself walking outside. I went to the bathroom when I couldn't find her and then she was gonna call my dad or the police.
We went to a theater to talk about me volunteering, like putting wrist bands on people drinking, I think once a week. I got pizza there for $11 or $12, but it was kinda thin and medium-sized. It was worth it, if my mom could afford it. She didn't want me to get the ice cream sundae for $6 because my blood sugar was high for the first time. I've been having cake every day. I just started my diet, though, other than eating out or special occassions, and I just have like oatmeal and not even bread and for some reason no crackers. I usually work out every day, depending on if I went anywhere. My whole body was sweating.
I thought more happened but can't remember now.
So, why do YOU accept others's buckerings to you?
So, I went to the doctor. I saw a Middle Eastern couple. The man looked more European. The lady was pretty big. It seemed they thought of the word "nigger" a little, like a little circle. I saw them walking outside as I was waiting for my mom, and it seemed like the lady was saying with the man, thinking, "Did you see anything?"
So, I had a nice tall black lady nurse I didn't manage to record. When my mom came out to talk to all the black ladies I slipped away and recorded myself walking outside. I went to the bathroom when I couldn't find her and then she was gonna call my dad or the police.
We went to a theater to talk about me volunteering, like putting wrist bands on people drinking, I think once a week. I got pizza there for $11 or $12, but it was kinda thin and medium-sized. It was worth it, if my mom could afford it. She didn't want me to get the ice cream sundae for $6 because my blood sugar was high for the first time. I've been having cake every day. I just started my diet, though, other than eating out or special occassions, and I just have like oatmeal and not even bread and for some reason no crackers. I usually work out every day, depending on if I went anywhere. My whole body was sweating.
I thought more happened but can't remember now.
Walking
As I was walking, I thought of like when I had gymnastics arms and legs, skinny legs and thick arms. I felt the sense of being lifted away and totally overcome with an onset of sorta crappy stimulation.
Dream
So, when I was doing things, the whole time I felt stimulated. The person kept their hand on the side of my shoulder while she was giving me a bath.
Dream
So, I didn't really feel concretely toward the person. In a way, though, yes, it was extremely real. I just didn't feel that person was really there.
Dream
So, I spent a lot of the time, esp. at first near the middle, trying to imagine my torso and head weren't so high.
Dream
8^.
My 2nd dream, I sustained a feeling of being like a kid but kinda like I am now and doing things being carried for like what seemed to be maybe 2 sets of like what seemed around 10 minutes. I guess at first ... it was like the person was my mom but I guess not really but in a way I guess like one ... I was going to a building. The feeling was just so caring. I felt stimulated the whole time. It was in a good, soft, and like feminine way. I could feel the person like press and sometimes pulse against me and stimulate me, and like sometimes I felt a little silly. The interesting thing is to be able to sustain a feeling and to sustain it when you have to do it yourself. I couldn't do this when I was younger. It wasn't this nice, neither. It was more surprising in like a tingling way. It was very deep and somewhat pleasurable, but I don't believe I'd want to feel that again. I just was like being protected from everything and everyone for who I was, like being cooed the whole time, in this dream. In different ways, like I was good in different ways.. like I was constantly like being comforted.. for some reason it's reminding me of my brother describing it. Maybe, I'm describing it, too much. I have a big torso. Like, I went up to the building and the woman sat me on the floor and was like gonna interact with me and touch me, but I spent the whole time trying to imagine my torso wasn't a giant to her. Then, there was a scene where I was being carried like before, stimulated and all, and we passed a shower. I guess I must have been like 8. So, I was tired, I guess in real life, and in my dreams I cannot really function. So, she was giving me a shower. It wasn't very long and detailed. When I was in my room, I was to go home from school or something, and it was too much for me to think and she was gonna "take care of everything" for me. It was in a good way. I mean, I did all I could. I just couldn't go any further. I don't even know what I was dreaming! And, then, I guess, she carried me out of the shower. I just felt like a kid who liked being loved and felt a certain way that felt good. I'm not sure how it ended. I don't remember transporting nor I suppose arriving home.
The funny details of this dream are like I got put down for fun before I went upstairs, and then I found I was with a gray, robust, maybe Italian man, and then I had like an old looking lady as my mom with dyed hair, like maybe a long time ago someone in their late 50s. She interacted with me and tested me, must have been Spanish. I did well..
I know I was in the school area, which was like Disney, and I took some pictures with some girls.
Also, when I was being carried, I was with some boys I was with following us and it was neat.
The girl taking the picture had faded makeup, like spots of white or like that yellow-ish most people have or some, on her cheeks. I was noticing, like telling her, she could like Mary Poppins her makeup but not thinking of that.. She smiled at me for who I was, all that I did in music. We took a picture like we were in a line, but it looked more like a cluster, maybe 6 of us, some girls around me and some boys. We were very happy. I was actually the older, oldset, one.
I forget what I was gonna comment on. I was with a friend and her mom and my mom. I forgot our aims. Her mom asked if she could watch over us or something. I guess we left.
I had another dream before this.
I remember now. I don't remember the other dream, sadly, which was kinda interesting, detailed in a lot of ways but not like in the most interesting ways, but it didn't have much interaction.
So, last night, I was out jogging and walking partly in the rain and along the road for a long time. Then, I came home and did, other than warming up and cooling down, the entire Jillian Michaels workout for strength training of your body. It made my whole body sweat.
I'm 5'1" - 5'3". 8^.
Some things led me to being stimulated a certain way last night. I don't know why I went through with this, but something stopped me for something else. I should have been stopped for this. I just had been stressed out, so I guess I just allowed myself to do it. It's interesting, at least these days, after that happens, which is in a way I don't like, that I get over it. Before, I think I just wanted to keep feeling that way, for some reason. It was probably my most pleasurable feeling, but I can't feel it anymore.
My 2nd dream, I sustained a feeling of being like a kid but kinda like I am now and doing things being carried for like what seemed to be maybe 2 sets of like what seemed around 10 minutes. I guess at first ... it was like the person was my mom but I guess not really but in a way I guess like one ... I was going to a building. The feeling was just so caring. I felt stimulated the whole time. It was in a good, soft, and like feminine way. I could feel the person like press and sometimes pulse against me and stimulate me, and like sometimes I felt a little silly. The interesting thing is to be able to sustain a feeling and to sustain it when you have to do it yourself. I couldn't do this when I was younger. It wasn't this nice, neither. It was more surprising in like a tingling way. It was very deep and somewhat pleasurable, but I don't believe I'd want to feel that again. I just was like being protected from everything and everyone for who I was, like being cooed the whole time, in this dream. In different ways, like I was good in different ways.. like I was constantly like being comforted.. for some reason it's reminding me of my brother describing it. Maybe, I'm describing it, too much. I have a big torso. Like, I went up to the building and the woman sat me on the floor and was like gonna interact with me and touch me, but I spent the whole time trying to imagine my torso wasn't a giant to her. Then, there was a scene where I was being carried like before, stimulated and all, and we passed a shower. I guess I must have been like 8. So, I was tired, I guess in real life, and in my dreams I cannot really function. So, she was giving me a shower. It wasn't very long and detailed. When I was in my room, I was to go home from school or something, and it was too much for me to think and she was gonna "take care of everything" for me. It was in a good way. I mean, I did all I could. I just couldn't go any further. I don't even know what I was dreaming! And, then, I guess, she carried me out of the shower. I just felt like a kid who liked being loved and felt a certain way that felt good. I'm not sure how it ended. I don't remember transporting nor I suppose arriving home.
The funny details of this dream are like I got put down for fun before I went upstairs, and then I found I was with a gray, robust, maybe Italian man, and then I had like an old looking lady as my mom with dyed hair, like maybe a long time ago someone in their late 50s. She interacted with me and tested me, must have been Spanish. I did well..
I know I was in the school area, which was like Disney, and I took some pictures with some girls.
Also, when I was being carried, I was with some boys I was with following us and it was neat.
The girl taking the picture had faded makeup, like spots of white or like that yellow-ish most people have or some, on her cheeks. I was noticing, like telling her, she could like Mary Poppins her makeup but not thinking of that.. She smiled at me for who I was, all that I did in music. We took a picture like we were in a line, but it looked more like a cluster, maybe 6 of us, some girls around me and some boys. We were very happy. I was actually the older, oldset, one.
I forget what I was gonna comment on. I was with a friend and her mom and my mom. I forgot our aims. Her mom asked if she could watch over us or something. I guess we left.
I had another dream before this.
I remember now. I don't remember the other dream, sadly, which was kinda interesting, detailed in a lot of ways but not like in the most interesting ways, but it didn't have much interaction.
So, last night, I was out jogging and walking partly in the rain and along the road for a long time. Then, I came home and did, other than warming up and cooling down, the entire Jillian Michaels workout for strength training of your body. It made my whole body sweat.
I'm 5'1" - 5'3". 8^.
Some things led me to being stimulated a certain way last night. I don't know why I went through with this, but something stopped me for something else. I should have been stopped for this. I just had been stressed out, so I guess I just allowed myself to do it. It's interesting, at least these days, after that happens, which is in a way I don't like, that I get over it. Before, I think I just wanted to keep feeling that way, for some reason. It was probably my most pleasurable feeling, but I can't feel it anymore.
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