Hard Day.. :p

So, I had a really hard day.

I lay down for like 40 minutes, I guess, since my dad wanted to come home and nap. Then, we went out again. We went to Wal-Mart for about half an hour. I was okay there, wait, I got upset there and explained it already. I guess we went back to another one later. So, I ate at the mall while my dad shopped. I had a large Fruit Julius pina colada and sub, chicken bacon ranch with honey oat, foot long. I was okay until I went in the bathroom. Well, I came out and decided to fix my bra. A large black lady seemed to notice me, and the fact she was so fat came out and I imagined she reacted adversely. That was a feeling going around. I didn't have a perfect start of the day. So, I went back in and people didn't understand me!!! My life is so lame. One of them made me dizzy in an uncomfortable yet somewhat pleasured way but not too much, nothing I'd not done before, though I'm older now. I managed to get an outward grip on it. I came out and my dad was swinging a bag funnily. I hit the rail of the moving stairs thinking that I was playing along. We went to the grocery store and I had to replace a squeaky cart and got uncomfortable the whole way. The other cart jiggled. I realized that it was my faul if I was affected and that fighting back probably wouldn't help. At Wal-Mart, I got upset some girls didn't seem to accept me and something came across me in like ways outside of me in parts, like in balls even, "I hope - you don't - be - a movie ... star..." :*( I mean, she was so mean. Then, she showed that she wasn't very authentic, as I remember people before "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" came out and had been out. So, I came out still upset I felt so revealed. I also managed to sound like I said "Thanksgiving" but was sorry for it like a sad toy puppy with a skinny upturned tail when I was away later. So, with the movie star thing it wasn't actually very deliberate. I didn't know what to say. My dad made me uncomfortable in various ways, and I felt like I was swearing at him saying he was "crap." He tried to bore something into me that a stranger couldn't, just in case and because of the nature of events. Something else bad came to my mind, too, that someone wasn't even shit. I guess that makes sense grammatically, which is something that's gone around in the past day. I got mad earlier today when my dad thought that a black person seeming to think I was so bad wasn't even worthy of something. I guess he was trying to help a black person out. Also, at the mall, there was a fat Spanish lady who seemed kinda ethnic, as though she were Oriental. She didn't ask me what I wanted for cheese. I thought she was Chinese and short, but she turned out to be huge. She melted a little cheddar cheese. I asked for Swiss cheese, and she didn't at first and then just went ahead and put it on and I didn't bother to ask for more. I got upset at the area sitting down because I wanted cheese. Also, I just got really healthy food. No dressing, no cheese. I also got 2 jugs of water for my room. I stopped listening to music all the time, too, less paranoid. I do hear the cars with my ear plugs, but oh well. I guess I just have to keep trucking.

I feel that I've been a pretty well-behaved person, somewhat irritated but honest, unsure of why I was how I was. I don't know how worthy I am more than anyone else. I wish my life were set up differently. It was rather lonely and obscure. I had fun in this one place, but then things went downhill upon moving.