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Also, I experienced so much pain going back to New Orleans, like whenever a physical worker, like of a truck or construction was around. Often, they would slam the back of the truck on to the floor! It hurt so much, but not in like a perverted way like I feel in Orlando. :( Which I don't feel anymore much. :|

I cannot begin to describe the grief that must have existed between different persons. I did like one of my teachers, and I think he liked me and e-mailed me about an essay I couldn't submit. I feel so weird! I am so thankful! Philosophy is so easy! This teacher had black hair and was I think like 30, and I was 20. He seemed so much bigger and older. He was from Saint Louis. He has a crew cut now, I think. It was funny, he went to a play. He sat across the aisle from me, next to a fat lady. The religion teacher, who was so tall and thin, whitish gray beard, also went, and in some ways I felt his presence more. I went to I think 2 Jewish meetings with him for extra credit. They have an organ. The people there I know there was a neat lady, like with bouncy light brown straight hair. I didn't understand most any of what was going on, but I remember "You Catholics never ..." like take enough of a break. Like or we're always busy. I think they don't work on Sunday or something, not sure about Saturday. I went through thoughts of conversion and to this day hold to ... well, my dream to not only not be religious becaue of my declined health but to become Muslim or something. I think I even walked to a Jewish place in New Orleans to take gymanstics but was too old anyway. There was a movie in New Orleans I decided to walk to. I heard MI:III playing and thought it was an organ. From outside. So loud. I left after the theme. So, yea.

So, it was very rough. It was very depressing leaving music. I liked the classes. I got them all as I think Medical Withdrawals, though, even ballet where I did the recital.

So, yea, I hope things go well now. Hopefully, I won't be pushed to get into things I don't need to get into. I guess I pay the money back someday. I am too sick to go and work. I can't sit there and do the same thing over and over. I'd fall apart. I had a job before. I did school uniforms one summer. I just felt like fat and tired and ugly. I feel and felt pushed to work, but I feel pushed by my dad not to go to school. I am uncomfortable around people, too. I've nagged my dad about getting some physical man job. I don't know if I could do that now. :S My mom wants me to volunteer, so I may. I lost the paper to the museum, so maybe I'll look for it or ask for another. So, yes, right now I feel like really tired, and it seems I sleep like up to 12 hours a night and even more, like all day. So, that's fine with my dad, but my mom works, too. She's fine but keeps pushing me to do things outside of the house. That's where we stand. I just wanted to be an actor! It would be fun to work, but I don't think I'd really like it, one job for a long time, like, I mean. Also, I just can't imagine standing up like that. It's like I can't stand to survive, unless I'm online or watching something I like on TV, "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." Also, I go to the movies. It's been that way since the magic died down, like I failed! It died down after awhile in Orlando. I wanted to go to school, too, and do well, and I think . well in Orlando the magic happened when I was between semesters home not feeling well. However, I couldn't stand the noise my mom made, like I just woke up to it. She is Chinese-Indonesian. She seems different now. I think the fan kept the noise out in the 2nd apartment. My mom said the dog wouldn't like the construction in the old apartment. She said he'd go crazy. I thought it'd be okay with me. I don't know why.

Oh yes, I remember imagining the world was like in space and stuff and watching movies and relating them to magic.

So, anyway, I wish I could work and pay back stuff and like support myself more but like being with my parents. Also, it makes it easier to live with more people. They might want time alone. I thought of that. I guess my brother got more time.

I'm getting a bit tired of typing. Must stop.