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Thursday, September 27, 2012
Distrust
I notice a lot of people don't trust me by where I lived and my experiences because I wasn't supposed to be there, by convenience sake. What fun is it in thinking about that, like that?
Perfection
Though accomplished, my life is pretty uncomfortable.
People have gotten me to deal with things I did not want to deal with, to do things I did not want to do...
They get antsy at me for wanting me to be perfect when I'm not.
People have gotten me to deal with things I did not want to deal with, to do things I did not want to do...
They get antsy at me for wanting me to be perfect when I'm not.
Paranoid
My doctor scratchily if he did highlighted parts for a diabetes diet, and I noticed something else in the house.
Diet
I'm going back on the diet. I didn't have dessert. I guess... Also, my heart hurts. I don't know if I'm working out, today, because I didn't eat right. :p I should, but I feel like going to sleep. I wanna sing, too, though.
That feeling of being so tired is not good.
That feeling of being so tired is not good.
Dream
When I was with my dad and 2 girls, I imagined that there was a lady, a tall husky, but pretty lady, pumping a child, kinda funnily, and my dad was looking kinda bewildered. I think I ended up yea going away and like there was this dark srawny scratchy cat family at my feet, and I kept jumping up and suspending myself in air trying to find a place to land. Then, there was a giant that had to be knocked out.
Dream
It was just a feeling of being like controlled or taken care of or rather just being there and letting the other person like do something. I suppose it was also because the person was older. It's a nice feeling because why would you interact with someone who's just all jittery and doesn't know what they're doing. I've somehow become a person who's liked to feel a lot but sometimes not feel a lot, though now I feel a lot, in a way. I don't feel overbeared, all the time, though.
Dream
I had 2 long dreams.
I guess the most interesting part was I was with Ellen DeGeneres and ... for some reason ... ... she was holding my fingers with her fingers, and for some reason I made myself feel really stimulated. First, she had my left fingers, and soon after my right fingers and she worked her way up grasping my right wrist bone on the right. I felt really stimulated by however she moved, too. Why was it nice? Well, you get a certain feeling when you're with people and when you're with people you like and want to get close to.. She was really nice. Also, when people touch you, sometimes there is a certain connection and you feel really strongly. I think it ended there.
She was in my dream I think hosting something at the beginning, too, and like was there the 2nd time, but I wasn't involved in her.
I know I was jogging around a track at church and imagining a tall old lady picking me up, which didn't really feel that good, but it's something I do. Well, no, I don't usually do that. Well, that's how it happened, and it was kinda a concrete thought. I dunno, I just "did it." I am usually hesitent to imagine things like that..
A new cheerleader friend was in it with big arms and skinny legs. I was jumping up. I recorded myself lying in bed swirving around in a circle, like lying down, without moving any muscles, an elating experience.
So, it was neat, for some reason she was like holding my fingers and moving them and it just really stimulated my fingers physically and me.
For some reason, I felt stimulated in some interesting ways, when I was lying in bed, which it seems I usually do these days, I've decided. However, it's funny, this one time, I was totally knocked out. I'm careful not to be too careful when I stimulate myself, though.
I also find myself really tired, which tells me my diet is too strict. :( However, I was getting diabetes, so maybe no dessert.
I guess it was just really nice for someone to do something different like play with my fingers. I guess it was weird that it happened, but it was interesting how strongly it felt. It didn't exactly totally knock me out, but it was a strong feeling I had. At least, it wasn't that metally feeling, which I got rid of when I came home from college.
I'm just afraid I'll need to give myself shots for diabetes for having dessert but like never drinking soda and stuff. It seems like a phase I'm going through because I used to not eat dessert much for awhile. I do feel kinda like restless and irritated.
So, what do you think about when people touch you? People haven't really touched me, where I live, and I don't really let them, for some reason.
I guess the most interesting part was I was with Ellen DeGeneres and ... for some reason ... ... she was holding my fingers with her fingers, and for some reason I made myself feel really stimulated. First, she had my left fingers, and soon after my right fingers and she worked her way up grasping my right wrist bone on the right. I felt really stimulated by however she moved, too. Why was it nice? Well, you get a certain feeling when you're with people and when you're with people you like and want to get close to.. She was really nice. Also, when people touch you, sometimes there is a certain connection and you feel really strongly. I think it ended there.
She was in my dream I think hosting something at the beginning, too, and like was there the 2nd time, but I wasn't involved in her.
I know I was jogging around a track at church and imagining a tall old lady picking me up, which didn't really feel that good, but it's something I do. Well, no, I don't usually do that. Well, that's how it happened, and it was kinda a concrete thought. I dunno, I just "did it." I am usually hesitent to imagine things like that..
A new cheerleader friend was in it with big arms and skinny legs. I was jumping up. I recorded myself lying in bed swirving around in a circle, like lying down, without moving any muscles, an elating experience.
So, it was neat, for some reason she was like holding my fingers and moving them and it just really stimulated my fingers physically and me.
For some reason, I felt stimulated in some interesting ways, when I was lying in bed, which it seems I usually do these days, I've decided. However, it's funny, this one time, I was totally knocked out. I'm careful not to be too careful when I stimulate myself, though.
I also find myself really tired, which tells me my diet is too strict. :( However, I was getting diabetes, so maybe no dessert.
I guess it was just really nice for someone to do something different like play with my fingers. I guess it was weird that it happened, but it was interesting how strongly it felt. It didn't exactly totally knock me out, but it was a strong feeling I had. At least, it wasn't that metally feeling, which I got rid of when I came home from college.
I'm just afraid I'll need to give myself shots for diabetes for having dessert but like never drinking soda and stuff. It seems like a phase I'm going through because I used to not eat dessert much for awhile. I do feel kinda like restless and irritated.
So, what do you think about when people touch you? People haven't really touched me, where I live, and I don't really let them, for some reason.
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