I'm feeling okay, want to go to bed, kinda would like to eat but probably too tired. Am feeling better from the good food. It'll be awhile if I recover. I don't know why I just didn't make it to the grocery store just a little sooner. I got my workout DVD yesterday and am doing better from it. I was thinking of going online and watching Ellen DeGeneres videos, but I might try to go to bed, instead. :|
I hope I have a good dream about something exciting, something complicated but that I can remember and that I wake up and write about it all.
I should probably lie down and think of something and post it.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Problem
It seems people have taken time into dynamic proportions, and who knows what triggered what. It seemed orchestrated, to me. It's stuff that happens to everyone. I've made my suggestion. The only thing different about me is that I ended up calling someone who was only almost 2 the "n" word, but I didn't do it by deciding I was the one who decided I wanted it for that person. It's because they were almost 2 and they are white. Also, it was online and deleted quickly, too.
Under Pressure :0
I notice sometimes people make themselves suffer things that are like pressured on them by others.
Ellen DeGeneres
Oh no!
I got mad at Ellen DeGeneres for seeming to think something bad. I couldn't really control my logic, though.. I don't know why.
I got mad at Ellen DeGeneres for seeming to think something bad. I couldn't really control my logic, though.. I don't know why.
Scared
Um, so why is everyone scared of someone else in how they treat me? Who's the threat? I thought we figured out I was right. How can we put a stop to this?
Also, I know some people are busy calculating things and never live. They try to stop others from living, too.
Also, I know some people are busy calculating things and never live. They try to stop others from living, too.
Chloë Moretz
Chloë Moretz hangs out with people other than Tim Burton, and she's not with him, now. }:|
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Why follow bad people?
Also, I thought I was pretty smart.
Something suddenly come up?
Chloë Moretz should Tweet @TheEllenShow?
Also, I thought I was pretty smart.
Something suddenly come up?
Chloë Moretz should Tweet @TheEllenShow?
Ellen DeGeneres and Chloë Moretz
Ellen DeGeneres has a new-founded interest for Chloë Moretz, and I fodder her for that.
Chloë Moretz
Chloë Moretz moved from Atlanta very young to NYC and became a child actor. My relatives are from Pennsylvania and New York. I'm a very moral person, and she seems to think she's a more moral person.
My Grandma
Sometimes, my grandma seems to not want me to "even go there." I wanted to pay her a visit.
The "N" Word Thing
Why did people treat me like trash for the "n" word thing? It wasn't even my idea. I probably shouldn't have listened, but I thought it was for fun, didn't really go first in a way,
Thoughts
Why are people doing all these things in case something happens and not listening to me?
Also, some people are discriminated against for having trouble in their lives and for "showing off" to established people.
Also, I don't sink low to make fun of someone.
Not everyone uses the same tactic in their lives.
If one thing is okay to mess up on, then why not another? Why only ruin some peoples's lives?
You think that you can totally outdo with someone and make no one sorry for them.
Some people are bad and think others should suffer the same thing, like "not live."
Also, some people are discriminated against for having trouble in their lives and for "showing off" to established people.
Also, I don't sink low to make fun of someone.
Not everyone uses the same tactic in their lives.
If one thing is okay to mess up on, then why not another? Why only ruin some peoples's lives?
You think that you can totally outdo with someone and make no one sorry for them.
Some people are bad and think others should suffer the same thing, like "not live."
White People
I think the message of white people was that they do have fun in a European way but it's not in a way that would harm you or make you feel jealous, in the least. Maybe, they end up being too careful.
Kids! What's the matter with kids! (To-day!)
Kids are always telling me not to get attention of adults.
Danger!
So, like accomplished|famous people want you to suffer the public to butter them up, when the public is already on your side, very obviously and totally against them, and they want to make you think that's not so and bore it into your head.
Good Show
What a good show.
Ellen was starting to speak about American Airlines, which always plays after her show.
New Orleans has a good airport, but it's not very big.
Oh, yes, and there were Asians dancing at the beginning and the end, pro at the end.
Ellen was starting to speak about American Airlines, which always plays after her show.
New Orleans has a good airport, but it's not very big.
Oh, yes, and there were Asians dancing at the beginning and the end, pro at the end.
Ellen DeGeneres
So, Ellen DeGeneres when she feels racist decides that she likes people who are sillier and younger better all of a sudden.
I found it interesting, too, that she has white hair and I am aware my relatives had light hair.
I found it interesting, too, that she has white hair and I am aware my relatives had light hair.
Mean People
People are so mean to me. I'd like to get it out on them.
I was watching the man with the disease on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and suddenly my left foot ankle went limp and sorta mellow and still is. Like on the front. I prized how it was kinda stiff and bent because it's a foot and it has strength.
I was watching the man with the disease on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and suddenly my left foot ankle went limp and sorta mellow and still is. Like on the front. I prized how it was kinda stiff and bent because it's a foot and it has strength.
"The 'Stupid' Ellen DeGeneres Show"
We'll see what happens when you start to comment.
I can't believe people don't do it.
It'll show that you don't know what to write.
I mean, I hope you do, but I know you won't.
I can't believe people don't do it.
It'll show that you don't know what to write.
I mean, I hope you do, but I know you won't.
People From up North
I don't wish to be dished into that category, but people who move here as a kid seem to be thought of as pleasurably conniving. I mean, they grew up feeling so like weighted down and then move to somewhere more mobile. They tend to live their lives tricking others.
Oops! I forgot to add why I was mad.
I used to have nightmares in high school and maybe even grade school that I would meet someone famous, vaguely, and, instead, they would pay attention to people I know they wouldn't otherwise. I don't know "the reason." :|
Dream
I don't remember all of it, I think.
I was in a big back room. It was kind dark. 2 relatives came and asked me if I wanted to do something with them, I think taking the big dance class. I was on my bed or maybe like a prison bed for some reason and my arm was stretched over my head. I was like no no no, no I'm going ot the DOCTOR tomorrow! They still wanted me to go. They turnd into 2 young girls holding my hands. I think I did go with them eventually. It was in the other room, a dance class. I fumbled with money in 3 methods. I started the class. The instructor was a tall, obese male with a flat rounded oval head and eyes that stuck out and dark hair and lighter skin. He got mad my money probably didn't go through, on my credit card, and said I'd spend a day in jail. I found that a girl who was nice to me, a younger one, was his daughter, and the older one was in my class.
There was another part I was in a car with my parents, somehow, and we went there for some reason, and it turned out it was a smoothie place. I was waiting in the car.
I remember now also when I was in the dance class, I watched myself and for some reason my eyes were moving so beautiful and glassy, like twitching back and forth rapidly but like milkily, magically kinda.. They seemed maybe even bluish.
I think the dream was serious.
I was contemplating doing something I don't really do instead of dance, staying in that room and contemplating like touching someone. I think I was. I don't know, but I used to think about that, when it happened. Now, I've sorta made up stuff. I was lying on my sofa lately, to avoid it but did not sleep as well, this time. Whenever I get in my sheets, I could chose to avoid this, but I get stimulated. I now end up thinking of stuff that relates to thoughts during the day. I like to feel stuff, but it's hard. I feel inhibited and surrounded. I'd prefer to feel something from another person than myself. I like to make up stuff, but it's not as good. I suppose the best thing is to make up being touched by someone you already know somewhat well.
It's funny, I don't know if I wanna go back to bed. I'll probably stay up and watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."
It was so hard to believe I imagined my eyes like that, so magical, so pretty, in all this.
The room where I took dance behind the other one was so big, too.
I was in a big back room. It was kind dark. 2 relatives came and asked me if I wanted to do something with them, I think taking the big dance class. I was on my bed or maybe like a prison bed for some reason and my arm was stretched over my head. I was like no no no, no I'm going ot the DOCTOR tomorrow! They still wanted me to go. They turnd into 2 young girls holding my hands. I think I did go with them eventually. It was in the other room, a dance class. I fumbled with money in 3 methods. I started the class. The instructor was a tall, obese male with a flat rounded oval head and eyes that stuck out and dark hair and lighter skin. He got mad my money probably didn't go through, on my credit card, and said I'd spend a day in jail. I found that a girl who was nice to me, a younger one, was his daughter, and the older one was in my class.
There was another part I was in a car with my parents, somehow, and we went there for some reason, and it turned out it was a smoothie place. I was waiting in the car.
I remember now also when I was in the dance class, I watched myself and for some reason my eyes were moving so beautiful and glassy, like twitching back and forth rapidly but like milkily, magically kinda.. They seemed maybe even bluish.
I think the dream was serious.
I was contemplating doing something I don't really do instead of dance, staying in that room and contemplating like touching someone. I think I was. I don't know, but I used to think about that, when it happened. Now, I've sorta made up stuff. I was lying on my sofa lately, to avoid it but did not sleep as well, this time. Whenever I get in my sheets, I could chose to avoid this, but I get stimulated. I now end up thinking of stuff that relates to thoughts during the day. I like to feel stuff, but it's hard. I feel inhibited and surrounded. I'd prefer to feel something from another person than myself. I like to make up stuff, but it's not as good. I suppose the best thing is to make up being touched by someone you already know somewhat well.
It's funny, I don't know if I wanna go back to bed. I'll probably stay up and watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."
It was so hard to believe I imagined my eyes like that, so magical, so pretty, in all this.
The room where I took dance behind the other one was so big, too.
MAD
It feels like my eyes are popping out of my head! D:{ I didn't do it!
Just because it's "going around" doesn't mean I AM PARTICIPATING.
Just because it's "going around" doesn't mean I AM PARTICIPATING.
Dream
It's hard to remember all of it. I remember I was going around. We were walking along a highway, gives me a feel with the struggles with "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." There was one lane with a cute name we walked along. We were gonna go a "cooler" way, but it said to butterfly into this. It was like a second road sticking out. We all sat around. There was like a paper of music, and the 2nd song seemed like a church or gospel spirit song. It was, however, "Ding Dong Merrily on High." I sang it and was loud right before the high part and kinda at the end. There was, you know, maybe 20 people there. I remember an obese black person with sorta big folded over eyes. I had a relative there it was interesting to "perform" for. I didn't know the rest of the songs. It was a bleak setting, black.
It was a sentimental feel, reminding me of the seriousness of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."
So, I guess I still am tired because I didn't really sleep that much and was on my couch. I'm also hungry.
It was a sentimental feel, reminding me of the seriousness of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."
So, I guess I still am tired because I didn't really sleep that much and was on my couch. I'm also hungry.
Dream
I just remember mostly that they were coming up with ideas of stimulating someone, just ideas, the most they could. I was in the car with my mom after awhile. She was telling me to write an essay. I didn't feel right about an afterthought and became harsh but not mad.
The idea remained that it was real, but I knew it was wrong.
I was sleeping on my couch, gonna go back to bed.
The idea remained that it was real, but I knew it was wrong.
I was sleeping on my couch, gonna go back to bed.
Older People
Older people are pretty selfish and basically are liars and, ultimately, make no sense.
I figured that people didn't grow up successfully.
Anyway, I already told you, I am not really impressed with the antics of Tim Burton. I don't mean his basic nice things. I mean what I got to know posting about him every day for 5 years. He's a center of attention, but basically he's only about his daughter, his youngest child.
I figured that people didn't grow up successfully.
Anyway, I already told you, I am not really impressed with the antics of Tim Burton. I don't mean his basic nice things. I mean what I got to know posting about him every day for 5 years. He's a center of attention, but basically he's only about his daughter, his youngest child.
Ellen DeGeneres
Why should I care about Ellen DeGeneres? Because just because of something that happens I know that she pretty much like makes a certain decision about something... and then I know that pretty much a lot of other people make similar decisiosn.
Why
Wow, I can only see some messages I chose to see.
I wonder why Ellen got so violent at that man? I guess I can see what she was doing. I don't know why?
I wonder why Ellen got so violent at that man? I guess I can see what she was doing. I don't know why?
Not Worth It, in Certain Things.. ..
I do like to get attention, but it seems that I'm not worth it, in some cases. I wish I was.
Things
So, I feel bad about being mean to someone and getting so mad. I didn't do anything to this person, but they like changed my life.
I believe I have formed a life in Florida. I can react very quickly, or maybe it's just something my body does.
People are afraid of what I can draw in, but I will let them have attention if they let me have my life, not to say I will stop something for no reason nor that I would really give something up for them. I'm just saying, in day to day life, I do that, but maybe some cases no, though actually...
I guess with that person, I'm just mad because things for me only changed for the better after I was used and made to look like a fool, as summed up, pretty much, though you could go on.
I'm not sure how I'll deal with it. I'm just mad in general and being poked at. If I am made to be tortured, some bad thoughts|words may come to my mind. I don't really find that to be the climax of what I do usually.
I believe I have formed a life in Florida. I can react very quickly, or maybe it's just something my body does.
People are afraid of what I can draw in, but I will let them have attention if they let me have my life, not to say I will stop something for no reason nor that I would really give something up for them. I'm just saying, in day to day life, I do that, but maybe some cases no, though actually...
I guess with that person, I'm just mad because things for me only changed for the better after I was used and made to look like a fool, as summed up, pretty much, though you could go on.
I'm not sure how I'll deal with it. I'm just mad in general and being poked at. If I am made to be tortured, some bad thoughts|words may come to my mind. I don't really find that to be the climax of what I do usually.
So, I did get "mad," when...
Ellen kept stuttering to a man with a disease where he stuttered after he was happy, like he was ... you know, a "nigger?" I don't associate that with him, just with what she did. She kept doing it, though, like as to torture him. I know, tonight, at the store, I thought I wanted to surround someone with words since just "nigger" wasn't enough for what was done to me. I guess she got him on a rapport, herself. Dunno what happened there. Maybe, it was like buttering him up for safety, and she knew he could stand it.
I really lost my "rapport," which, in a way, ultimately, doesn't matter, but those things aren't supposed to ever happen...
I don't know what's wrong with me. Before I left with my dad, I was okay. Then, my eyes popped out of my head, and I got mad because it was so insulting and pointless and controlling.
My mom told me never to get mad...
I still don't get some things, and they like loom over me as topics I could think about. They're not physically over me, though, like some things are outside of me. :/
I really lost my "rapport," which, in a way, ultimately, doesn't matter, but those things aren't supposed to ever happen...
I don't know what's wrong with me. Before I left with my dad, I was okay. Then, my eyes popped out of my head, and I got mad because it was so insulting and pointless and controlling.
My mom told me never to get mad...
I still don't get some things, and they like loom over me as topics I could think about. They're not physically over me, though, like some things are outside of me. :/
Feelings
So, I know I want to feel a certain way. I don't understand some things.. I figured everyone has their own dynamic, but, essentially, aren't we all the same?
Being Popular
Why listen to other people? I won't hurt people in the thoughts that someone else will if I don't.
Problems
It dawned on me I haven't been feeling right. Why has Tim Burton been so tricky?
I got mad today, hard to remember, and I figured that Tim Burton gives other people's places to his daughter. Wha?
I got mad today, hard to remember, and I figured that Tim Burton gives other people's places to his daughter. Wha?
Making People Look a Certain Way
I don't believe that's possible, but I mean you'd have to have extreme situations.
You can only do and know so much, you know?
You can only do and know so much, you know?
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
I don't mind certain things, but I mind that they're done for a reason.
Maybe, it shouldn't matter?
I can't wait until my life is not controlled by Tim Burton. Will that ever happen? I liked him, but he's been mean about being with Helena Bonham Carter and his kids. He makes people fight one another.
Maybe, it shouldn't matter?
I can't wait until my life is not controlled by Tim Burton. Will that ever happen? I liked him, but he's been mean about being with Helena Bonham Carter and his kids. He makes people fight one another.
Being "Gay" :)
I thought it was good because it means you're more interested.
I think some people do it for pleasure.
Well, so do I. I'm not really gay, but apparently it means something, you know.
I think some people do it for pleasure.
Well, so do I. I'm not really gay, but apparently it means something, you know.
Stimulating People
I make people feel totally at ease, when I do. :| I'm not necessarily very physical. I can be, it seems.
Stores
I'm very sorry for what I thought which was out-of-the-ordinary D*: and the other evil thought.
I'm also unhappy about the things that went wrong, today. It's just thoughts, nothing horrible.
I was in the stores a long time. My dad and I went 4 places. He thought I'd be in one store 2 minutes, but I got some clothes and was there for maybe 45 minutes. He called me. We haven't seen each other in awhile, and he had is iPad. I thought it was fun but wish I was quicker. Actually, I just got 1 new extra unplanned outfit. Not sure what I'd do if I was feeling better, maybe give a hint in a warning.
I'm also unhappy about the things that went wrong, today. It's just thoughts, nothing horrible.
I was in the stores a long time. My dad and I went 4 places. He thought I'd be in one store 2 minutes, but I got some clothes and was there for maybe 45 minutes. He called me. We haven't seen each other in awhile, and he had is iPad. I thought it was fun but wish I was quicker. Actually, I just got 1 new extra unplanned outfit. Not sure what I'd do if I was feeling better, maybe give a hint in a warning.
A Popular Topic
I want to know why some people keep on coming up in my life because of my atrocious behavior. People weren't answering me on e-mail, so I became desperate and kept e-mailing them. They should have told me to stop rather than abandon me.
Also, I just came home from college and was like not feeling well and had nothing to do. I didn't know what to do nor what to do money-wise.
So, pretty much, no one talks to me. Just online, I talk to people across the internet.
Also, I just came home from college and was like not feeling well and had nothing to do. I didn't know what to do nor what to do money-wise.
So, pretty much, no one talks to me. Just online, I talk to people across the internet.
What You Really Want
Why not just admit it? I don't know what I really want. I guess I want to get healthier and become an actor.
It's peculiar how it's hard to get close to some people. I want to know about other people, like how they will live their exact dreams. 8|
It's peculiar how it's hard to get close to some people. I want to know about other people, like how they will live their exact dreams. 8|
In Sync
I don't know how to fix the problem about me going crazy with my thoughts for some reason. I don't know why certain things come up. I've had that problem today and that it didn't matter. Something came up. I realized that things always come up. They came in sync.
Mad
So, I got mad while I was out. I felt like my eyes were popping out of my head with such force. My eyes got all blurry. I was wearing contacts.
I blamed who I blamed and thought something similar I thought before about someone else. It "fit in" and wasn't a deliberate wish. Later, I realized my life was overly controlled, and I wanted to know I could do the same since it stripped my of my dignity.
I blamed who I blamed and thought something similar I thought before about someone else. It "fit in" and wasn't a deliberate wish. Later, I realized my life was overly controlled, and I wanted to know I could do the same since it stripped my of my dignity.
The "N" Word Thing
It just seems things have escalated since the "n" word thing. Things were stressful before but not so much.
I mean, come one, think about what happened and for reasons other than the main cause.
I know people are wrong a lot. I've explained it before...
I mean, come one, think about what happened and for reasons other than the main cause.
I know people are wrong a lot. I've explained it before...
PROBLEMS
People are mistreating me for no reason.
I think people want me to feel more stimulated by my parents and not them, and I will not have them come into my home like that.
Also, people want me to be impressed that they know facts about what I will do, and it's like I'm not a person.
What is wrong with these people?
I'd like to learn how to put an end to this all.
I think people want me to feel more stimulated by my parents and not them, and I will not have them come into my home like that.
Also, people want me to be impressed that they know facts about what I will do, and it's like I'm not a person.
What is wrong with these people?
I'd like to learn how to put an end to this all.
Mad
So, I got mad and some things came out kinda bad but didn't really mean it. ,:p
I've been a bit ... er ... cantankerous.
I can tell when someone has "done" something they're not supposed to. I know you're supposed to put up with it, but I guess I wasn't feeling good. I'm not sure why it'd be fun to like attack me when I'm not well.
I've been a bit ... er ... cantankerous.
I can tell when someone has "done" something they're not supposed to. I know you're supposed to put up with it, but I guess I wasn't feeling good. I'm not sure why it'd be fun to like attack me when I'm not well.
Chloë Moretz
So, I know Chloë Moretz uses Instagram. I can't get it on Blackberry, and I like Blackberry. I have a red one, the last one in the store.
Ellen DeGeneres is on there.
I didn't follow her all summer, so it's nothing new to me. I hadn't looked at her Facebook at all.
Anyway, though, it seems as though anyone could Tweet Chloë Moretz every day. I find that some people like me, and I find that some people think they're so creative and want to take away that relationship. It's funny when you see people on the same wavelength as you. However, some people like to wait until it's too late. You can't tell me it just so happens after it's too late that I shouldn't be Tweeting Chloë Moretz! Because she's "with Tim Burton" on Dark Shadows. I actually made it known by posting in my blog and on my site and maybe my Twitter that I don't expect anyone to follow me, but they already should know that. I mean, some people have Twitters named after them. I just realized that I guess that means they look up to them more, but it's prestigious to feel like a role model, more, too. Hm, I wonder what that means?
Ellen DeGeneres is on there.
I didn't follow her all summer, so it's nothing new to me. I hadn't looked at her Facebook at all.
Anyway, though, it seems as though anyone could Tweet Chloë Moretz every day. I find that some people like me, and I find that some people think they're so creative and want to take away that relationship. It's funny when you see people on the same wavelength as you. However, some people like to wait until it's too late. You can't tell me it just so happens after it's too late that I shouldn't be Tweeting Chloë Moretz! Because she's "with Tim Burton" on Dark Shadows. I actually made it known by posting in my blog and on my site and maybe my Twitter that I don't expect anyone to follow me, but they already should know that. I mean, some people have Twitters named after them. I just realized that I guess that means they look up to them more, but it's prestigious to feel like a role model, more, too. Hm, I wonder what that means?
My Grandma
I talked to her, and my cheeks got bigger in a bad way. I talked about her recently, and I feel sensitive about one of my cheeks I've been sensitive over. I'm really mad. That's one reason I don't risk talking to her anymore but want to pay her a visit. I'm writing this in hopes of help. We used to have an okay relationship.
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