Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Yesterday
I had to go to the bathroom so badly. I went 3 times at Olive Garden. I came home and went I think 3 or 4 times, kinda a lot.
How My Day Went
So, a man seemed to think it was cute that the Chinese doctor was mean to me. I thought, "I didn't think that," and then the idea of the word nigger sorta came out, like a Pokemon, like I was in a power ball, for some reason.. Then I went to get a drink at the water fountain, and someone sounded like they had said, "Bruce Lee," and it affected a part of my body. People were kinda nice to me thereon, though. I still feel a bit slammed and like weak in that arena, since I did not like that, when I think about it, you know? It's just "not something I do." I saw a nice lady at the bar, though.
How My Day Went
I realized that thinking I could be so lax as to offend you and be comforted is worse than letting off because someone else made a mistake.
So, why do YOU accept others's buckerings to you?
So, I went to the doctor. I saw a Middle Eastern couple. The man looked more European. The lady was pretty big. It seemed they thought of the word "nigger" a little, like a little circle. I saw them walking outside as I was waiting for my mom, and it seemed like the lady was saying with the man, thinking, "Did you see anything?"
So, I had a nice tall black lady nurse I didn't manage to record. When my mom came out to talk to all the black ladies I slipped away and recorded myself walking outside. I went to the bathroom when I couldn't find her and then she was gonna call my dad or the police.
We went to a theater to talk about me volunteering, like putting wrist bands on people drinking, I think once a week. I got pizza there for $11 or $12, but it was kinda thin and medium-sized. It was worth it, if my mom could afford it. She didn't want me to get the ice cream sundae for $6 because my blood sugar was high for the first time. I've been having cake every day. I just started my diet, though, other than eating out or special occassions, and I just have like oatmeal and not even bread and for some reason no crackers. I usually work out every day, depending on if I went anywhere. My whole body was sweating.
I thought more happened but can't remember now.
So, why do YOU accept others's buckerings to you?
So, I went to the doctor. I saw a Middle Eastern couple. The man looked more European. The lady was pretty big. It seemed they thought of the word "nigger" a little, like a little circle. I saw them walking outside as I was waiting for my mom, and it seemed like the lady was saying with the man, thinking, "Did you see anything?"
So, I had a nice tall black lady nurse I didn't manage to record. When my mom came out to talk to all the black ladies I slipped away and recorded myself walking outside. I went to the bathroom when I couldn't find her and then she was gonna call my dad or the police.
We went to a theater to talk about me volunteering, like putting wrist bands on people drinking, I think once a week. I got pizza there for $11 or $12, but it was kinda thin and medium-sized. It was worth it, if my mom could afford it. She didn't want me to get the ice cream sundae for $6 because my blood sugar was high for the first time. I've been having cake every day. I just started my diet, though, other than eating out or special occassions, and I just have like oatmeal and not even bread and for some reason no crackers. I usually work out every day, depending on if I went anywhere. My whole body was sweating.
I thought more happened but can't remember now.
Walking
As I was walking, I thought of like when I had gymnastics arms and legs, skinny legs and thick arms. I felt the sense of being lifted away and totally overcome with an onset of sorta crappy stimulation.
Dream
So, when I was doing things, the whole time I felt stimulated. The person kept their hand on the side of my shoulder while she was giving me a bath.
Dream
So, I didn't really feel concretely toward the person. In a way, though, yes, it was extremely real. I just didn't feel that person was really there.
Dream
So, I spent a lot of the time, esp. at first near the middle, trying to imagine my torso and head weren't so high.
Dream
8^.
My 2nd dream, I sustained a feeling of being like a kid but kinda like I am now and doing things being carried for like what seemed to be maybe 2 sets of like what seemed around 10 minutes. I guess at first ... it was like the person was my mom but I guess not really but in a way I guess like one ... I was going to a building. The feeling was just so caring. I felt stimulated the whole time. It was in a good, soft, and like feminine way. I could feel the person like press and sometimes pulse against me and stimulate me, and like sometimes I felt a little silly. The interesting thing is to be able to sustain a feeling and to sustain it when you have to do it yourself. I couldn't do this when I was younger. It wasn't this nice, neither. It was more surprising in like a tingling way. It was very deep and somewhat pleasurable, but I don't believe I'd want to feel that again. I just was like being protected from everything and everyone for who I was, like being cooed the whole time, in this dream. In different ways, like I was good in different ways.. like I was constantly like being comforted.. for some reason it's reminding me of my brother describing it. Maybe, I'm describing it, too much. I have a big torso. Like, I went up to the building and the woman sat me on the floor and was like gonna interact with me and touch me, but I spent the whole time trying to imagine my torso wasn't a giant to her. Then, there was a scene where I was being carried like before, stimulated and all, and we passed a shower. I guess I must have been like 8. So, I was tired, I guess in real life, and in my dreams I cannot really function. So, she was giving me a shower. It wasn't very long and detailed. When I was in my room, I was to go home from school or something, and it was too much for me to think and she was gonna "take care of everything" for me. It was in a good way. I mean, I did all I could. I just couldn't go any further. I don't even know what I was dreaming! And, then, I guess, she carried me out of the shower. I just felt like a kid who liked being loved and felt a certain way that felt good. I'm not sure how it ended. I don't remember transporting nor I suppose arriving home.
The funny details of this dream are like I got put down for fun before I went upstairs, and then I found I was with a gray, robust, maybe Italian man, and then I had like an old looking lady as my mom with dyed hair, like maybe a long time ago someone in their late 50s. She interacted with me and tested me, must have been Spanish. I did well..
I know I was in the school area, which was like Disney, and I took some pictures with some girls.
Also, when I was being carried, I was with some boys I was with following us and it was neat.
The girl taking the picture had faded makeup, like spots of white or like that yellow-ish most people have or some, on her cheeks. I was noticing, like telling her, she could like Mary Poppins her makeup but not thinking of that.. She smiled at me for who I was, all that I did in music. We took a picture like we were in a line, but it looked more like a cluster, maybe 6 of us, some girls around me and some boys. We were very happy. I was actually the older, oldset, one.
I forget what I was gonna comment on. I was with a friend and her mom and my mom. I forgot our aims. Her mom asked if she could watch over us or something. I guess we left.
I had another dream before this.
I remember now. I don't remember the other dream, sadly, which was kinda interesting, detailed in a lot of ways but not like in the most interesting ways, but it didn't have much interaction.
So, last night, I was out jogging and walking partly in the rain and along the road for a long time. Then, I came home and did, other than warming up and cooling down, the entire Jillian Michaels workout for strength training of your body. It made my whole body sweat.
I'm 5'1" - 5'3". 8^.
Some things led me to being stimulated a certain way last night. I don't know why I went through with this, but something stopped me for something else. I should have been stopped for this. I just had been stressed out, so I guess I just allowed myself to do it. It's interesting, at least these days, after that happens, which is in a way I don't like, that I get over it. Before, I think I just wanted to keep feeling that way, for some reason. It was probably my most pleasurable feeling, but I can't feel it anymore.
My 2nd dream, I sustained a feeling of being like a kid but kinda like I am now and doing things being carried for like what seemed to be maybe 2 sets of like what seemed around 10 minutes. I guess at first ... it was like the person was my mom but I guess not really but in a way I guess like one ... I was going to a building. The feeling was just so caring. I felt stimulated the whole time. It was in a good, soft, and like feminine way. I could feel the person like press and sometimes pulse against me and stimulate me, and like sometimes I felt a little silly. The interesting thing is to be able to sustain a feeling and to sustain it when you have to do it yourself. I couldn't do this when I was younger. It wasn't this nice, neither. It was more surprising in like a tingling way. It was very deep and somewhat pleasurable, but I don't believe I'd want to feel that again. I just was like being protected from everything and everyone for who I was, like being cooed the whole time, in this dream. In different ways, like I was good in different ways.. like I was constantly like being comforted.. for some reason it's reminding me of my brother describing it. Maybe, I'm describing it, too much. I have a big torso. Like, I went up to the building and the woman sat me on the floor and was like gonna interact with me and touch me, but I spent the whole time trying to imagine my torso wasn't a giant to her. Then, there was a scene where I was being carried like before, stimulated and all, and we passed a shower. I guess I must have been like 8. So, I was tired, I guess in real life, and in my dreams I cannot really function. So, she was giving me a shower. It wasn't very long and detailed. When I was in my room, I was to go home from school or something, and it was too much for me to think and she was gonna "take care of everything" for me. It was in a good way. I mean, I did all I could. I just couldn't go any further. I don't even know what I was dreaming! And, then, I guess, she carried me out of the shower. I just felt like a kid who liked being loved and felt a certain way that felt good. I'm not sure how it ended. I don't remember transporting nor I suppose arriving home.
The funny details of this dream are like I got put down for fun before I went upstairs, and then I found I was with a gray, robust, maybe Italian man, and then I had like an old looking lady as my mom with dyed hair, like maybe a long time ago someone in their late 50s. She interacted with me and tested me, must have been Spanish. I did well..
I know I was in the school area, which was like Disney, and I took some pictures with some girls.
Also, when I was being carried, I was with some boys I was with following us and it was neat.
The girl taking the picture had faded makeup, like spots of white or like that yellow-ish most people have or some, on her cheeks. I was noticing, like telling her, she could like Mary Poppins her makeup but not thinking of that.. She smiled at me for who I was, all that I did in music. We took a picture like we were in a line, but it looked more like a cluster, maybe 6 of us, some girls around me and some boys. We were very happy. I was actually the older, oldset, one.
I forget what I was gonna comment on. I was with a friend and her mom and my mom. I forgot our aims. Her mom asked if she could watch over us or something. I guess we left.
I had another dream before this.
I remember now. I don't remember the other dream, sadly, which was kinda interesting, detailed in a lot of ways but not like in the most interesting ways, but it didn't have much interaction.
So, last night, I was out jogging and walking partly in the rain and along the road for a long time. Then, I came home and did, other than warming up and cooling down, the entire Jillian Michaels workout for strength training of your body. It made my whole body sweat.
I'm 5'1" - 5'3". 8^.
Some things led me to being stimulated a certain way last night. I don't know why I went through with this, but something stopped me for something else. I should have been stopped for this. I just had been stressed out, so I guess I just allowed myself to do it. It's interesting, at least these days, after that happens, which is in a way I don't like, that I get over it. Before, I think I just wanted to keep feeling that way, for some reason. It was probably my most pleasurable feeling, but I can't feel it anymore.
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