Dream

It was a nice dream.  I've felt highly stimulated, at first by Tim Burton and then I suppose increasingly about his daughter.  I'm pretty mad about it.

So, no Ellen DeGeneres|Tim Burton this time.  Wait, yea, Tim Burton was supposed to be there.  There was one time I went into the bathroom, I guess 3 other people there, one Helena Bonham Carter, who've I've eventually channeled mentally.  I was looking for Tim Burton in the shower, and because of the nature of what I knew was a dream I said, "Dad?"  Only Helena Bonham Carter was there, and in the dream, though I didn't figure any private parts was naked.

So, I guess, for some reason I had a preprogrammed reaction to her and felt more in this dream than any other.  I didn't feel a lot, like you'd think.  It was just a sorta emotional feeling.  I was connecting because I thought I was Polish and Swiss Jewish from my dad's mom, and her mom is mostly Jewish.

So, like, maybe 30 times, I went up to her and put my arm around her waist because she was there and I did like her.  She put her arm around my shoulders each time.  I think I was like calling her mom because of the dream.  I dunno.  It's hard to describe the feeling...

At one point, my mom threw my white laundry on the bed, and for some reason I thought that was real.  I was listening to my classical music on iTunes radio, and she told me to wake up, her and my dad, and have hamburgers.  Since it was hamburgers, I went out to the kitchen twice.  I thought something evil and told them halfway, like sorta, in anger, to make up for an excuse for feeling stimulated but did not mean it.

This might seem scary, but it was like I woke up and felt that pins and needles feeling, all staticy, along my torso, from Helena Bonham Carter in her pretend anger.  Then, I was in Alice in Wonderland with her running as a Queen with me like on my torso.  I was feeling silly but not disgusting.  It was as though that was when I first encountered her in the dream, though, somehow.

Later, I kept going up to her.  It was nice.  I guess she was rubbing my shoulder and like hugging me each time, each time a little different.  I didn't feel that sorta metallic feeling, at all, more a mellow scratchy feeling.  It was a bleak setting.  I went out to run, with a big calendar by the day with little papers you can tear off or write in for something and leg lifts.  The other thing was some opposite.  For some reason, I still heard music and had a hard time.  It was that way with my parents, too.  I found in my ear were little microphones, rather headphones.  I kept reaching in and pulling them out and became antsy because still no luck.  So, I was being made fun of racially, I think.  I went back to her and like drawled "mom" to her and put my arm around her waist, her pretend kind of waist, and she put her arm around me.  Eventually, I was better.

There was one time, when she was pregnant, had a big stomach especially up and down, kinda fat like me.  That was kinda sad for me because I had to go away.  She already had 2 kids, though, so I dunno.

So, then, I guess we were at some sort of meeting.  She was probably carrying me, yes, in a scary setting that was kinda demented I think.  I know I was sleeping in bed with my brother, next to my grandma.  She said my brother would be a girl indian, and he gave in, like heaved a sigh.  I was worried my grandma would kill me.  Her face was looking flat and rounded on the side like a mask and not very thick.  She looked a bit unhealthy like me and shriveled.  I was in bed with them twice.  I called my brother a nigger virtually but indirectly just to make him feel better because I obviously was very mad, told my parents, who saw, and it worked.  There was one time we were up, not many times, not much time, and my grandma was like slurping water from the ground.  Her face was flat with a flat nose and mid section sticking out, her nose with another bump at an angle at her forehead.  She smiled approvingly like she was tricking me.  She was doing it for some reason I don't know.  She was tricking, but it wasn't for me, I believe.  :(  That's what I wanted to think, that it wasn't at all for me.

So, I guess I was sorta eventually wallowing in my race to Helena Bonham Carter but in a mature way completely on my part and hers.  I think she was picking me up|carrying me.  I don't know how realistic it was, not very tangible.  Eventually, it became a bit violent and she went away turning into a long, slim, tubey, somewhat thick, red dragon, but she came back and put her arm around me again a few times or for awhile.

So, the highlight was feeling a reaction from her without doing anything after feeling about 4 times pins and needles after I got mad about her and she entered my dream.

It was just so nice that I just kept feeling comfort from her, kept putting my arm around her, and she cuddled me really, pretty satisfying, safe, and consistent, yet in reality it was disgruntling.  It was nice when she hugged me, too, made me feel just a little silly in a way.  Nothing big.  It was just nice, I mean, just that kinda tint.

She was totally accepting of me and totally free, no questions about it.  I guess I was just feeling sick from the brain scan as aforementioned.  I haven't been able to make a trip to the grocery store, neither.  My dad was busy 3 days in a row I think 2 weeks ago, too, and haven't submitted to my last casting agency maybe or maybe some others.  I have some hope for sometime.  I've been feeling violent toward various factions but not bad, just imperfect.  I'm sorta irritated, I guess.

So, it was just nice.  I went up and put my arm around her and before the shower scene called her "mom" just because.  It was the way the family was, whatever it was, in the dream.  She was very comforting.  How big was she to me?  She was very big, not very tall.  Sometimes, like a few inches taller.  I just felt settled yet stimulated in a way that was okay and good each time.  It was sorta like a spot, though, on the side, for some reason.  I didn't think about it.  Like, maybe almost a foot big.