My Life

This is actually serious, but I found I could hurt people with how I move and act. I didn't mean to too much, but I can't really control it and am mad.

My dad is home from work, and he said he's sick, but I think he's here somehow privately knowing I was mad, yesterday, alone, just putting things down harder but pretty mad. He can't control my life and is mean. You're not supposed to be mean to your kids if they aren't like 110% flawless.

So, yes, I can be harsh, but I will not live for others's inklings. I need to not be trapped. I can't apply to the modeling place because my dad is home, too. I guess Monday. I can't believe I haven't been accepted, yet.

Pretty much, I'm not for extraneous thoughts over my head against others that don't matter. That's what got me mad to start. Then, I realized it was all about the flaws of others. It was about practicing them on me because I think I'm good. I guess you can look at it funnily after the fire has cleared, but I know that my life has been very ruined though in only certain aspects unavoidably improved but not really because it isn't worth what happened. I should have been able to live normally in the world and not feel overberaed by homework. I mean, I Did it all.

Also, my mom keeps getting things of mine dirty when she's inexplicably clean. I wanted to put a thing outside my room to put stuff on, but they let my brother put a shelf out or 2 of his room. He is not like me at all, though he shares the same traits. He plays the opposite of what I want and seems to think it's funny but mad his life is that way. Anyway, my parents never get mad at him nor poke at him for his attitude, otherwise. I'm not sure what happened. I'm pretty mad. I don't know. I think they were mad he was nice to me. They just can't make me like him. Isn't that sick? They could be "downgraded" to their younger siblings, as well, and picked on by the inklings of their grandparents.

So, I really want what I really want and don't want to be picked at for it. I can accept if it doesn't happen. but my life is not suposed to be messed up.

So, I'm sad, but I was pretty mad today because my dad seemed to play sick. He had soup sitting out with a sign for him, too.

So, lots of bad thoughts came as I was working in the kitchen. I didn't come up with anything voluntarily, I just get mad a lot. If I were alone or it were night and my mom were home, I wouldn't be mad. I didn't know where exactly to direct my thoughts.

So, also, I was just mad because it seems to be a fetish of people to pick on me for like no or bad reasons. Like, they want to take anything in my life I have away from me.

No one gets that I never feel that well. I've always listened to my mom and maybe in some ways my dad. Pretty much, I seem to have been disliked as I was for some reason and have went through changes, many I did not enjoy and regret, seemed to be for reasons I didn't like, like taking gymnastics, though I just went once or twice a week.

I was affected by the world, too, it seemed, not my parents's fault. Other kids were so perverted!?